For what it's worth
by ChildOfTheMoon122
Summary: Set after the movie. The lives of Roger, Mark and their friends are once more controlled by disease, lack of money and matters of the heart, as new friends join the group and old friends, sadly, have to leave. COMPLETE! Please review!
1. The girl downstairs

* * *

Disclaimer: (for the following chapters as well) I do not own RENT, nor am I making money out of writing this story. 

A/N: Hey you lovely people!  
I have only ever seen the Rent-movie, not the show, so that's what this is based on.

Rated T because our bohemians are potty-mouths. And so am I, and this is my story, therefore: T!

Enjoy! And please, please review!! 

_Italics are thoughts_

* * *

Chapter 1 

February 6th, 1991, 10pm EST

New York City's most awkward and uncomfortable couple had finally broken up.

Although Mimi Marquez had gotten much better during a two week stay in hospital, her relationship with Roger Davis had not survived the past months, Roger's flight to Santa Fe and Mimi's affair with Benny Coffin. Things had not been helped by the fact that Benny had to pay for Mimi's hospital bill.

It had not been a nasty break-up; there were no tantrums and tears involved. That's what their relationship had been like. The end of it had been very calm and controlled. They had decided that they would be better off apart, but that they would remain friends. Mimi would not give up the drugs for Roger; he would not just let her use. So Mimi had moved back to Nevada to be with her family and Roger once more holed himself up in the loft and moped.

Mark Cohen didn't really know what to do with his friend.

He had the whole tragic Mimi-Roger-story on film and you could see the relationship going downhill. Mark was certain that Roger was secretly glad it was over. But hell would freeze over before he'd admit it, of course!

Mimi's apartment stayed empty for almost two months, before a new tenant moved in. It was a girl, about twenty years old. She had strawberry-blonde hair, very pale skin, brown eyes, was very short and somewhere between slender and chubby.

Her clothes looked like they had seen better days and her hair, though long, was always bound in some haphazard fashion.

Mark had seen her a few times on the stairs, but had never spoken to her. They had only exchanged quick smiles, but she seemed friendly enough. Therefore, in the Cohen-book, she was listed as "potential buddy".

A week after she'd moved in, he suggested to Roger, "Why don't we go downstairs and, I dunno, introduce ourselves?"

His roommate gave a noncommittal grunt. Mark nudged him.

"Rog, you really need to get out of this apartment. You've been lying on this couch all day!"

"So? It's comfy!" Roger sighed at the look on Mark's face. "Fine, we'll say hello. I've never even seen this chic. She pretty?"

* * *

Mark knocked on the door and they heard shuffling from inside the apartment. Then the door opened a fraction and she peered out at them. 

"Hello?"

She had a pleasant voice, low and husky.

"Hi, uh… We just wanted to welcome you into the neighbourhood. We live upstairs; I'm Mark Cohen, this is…"

"Roger Davis," Roger introduced himself.

The girl opened the door a little wider and shook both their hands.

"I'm Leni Hollis. You wanna come in? For some tea or something?"

Roger exchanged a quick glance with Mark. This was no city kid, that much was obvious. They accepted the invitation.

The first thing Roger noticed when he walked into the apartment was that Leni was obviously somewhat better off than Mimi had been. Her furniture was quite beaten down, but, unlike Mimi's, it looked pre-dumpster.

The two men sat down on the green couch, which squeaked in protest.

Leni bustled around the small stove and prepared tea.

She came back with three mugs and shrugged apologetically.

"Sorry, no milk or sugar."

"That's fine." Like they ever had milk or sugar.

They took their cups. There was a moment of silence.

"I hope you don't do this often," Roger said suddenly. "Inviting random strangers into your apartment, I mean. That's usually not a clever idea in New York."

"Yeah, I know," Leni replied. She shrugged and smiled. "I'm glad you came by, though. Now I know where to find two strong men who'd defend me if I'm in trouble, right?"

She laughed as Mark flexed his invisible muscles and Roger patted him on the back so hard he almost fell over.

"Yeah," Roger said jokingly, "as you can see, we're practically martial artists!"

Mark sipped some more tea and managed not to make a face. It was quite horrible.

"A bunch of us are meeting at the Life Café tonight," Roger said. "Do you want to come? I mean, if you're new here and don't know so many people…"

"Yeah," Mark added, "you'll meet some of the more colourful folks here in Alphabet City, but they're all friendly."

Leni was surprised, but delighted.

"I'd love to!"

They talked for a while longer, before Mark and Roger excused themselves to head back upstairs.

Leni saw them to the door and leaned against the doorframe.

"The girl that lived here before…" she said suddenly and made Roger turn around, "you guys used to be friends, right?"

Roger smiled. "How did you know?"

"Because you're trying to make friends with me. It's typical behaviour. Either you hate the person who replaces your friend or you try to see the good in them."

He crossed his arms and cocked his head, and gave her his best "oh really?"-look.

She just stared back at him, a little smirk playing around her lips.

He just laughed a little and uncrossed his arms again. "Yeah, you're right. Mimi… used to be our friend."

* * *

"So…" 

Mark flopped down onto the couch, a bowl of cereal on his knees, while Roger took his AZT.

"What do you think of her?"

Roger shrugged. He took of his leather jacket and tossed it on the couch next to Mark.

"She's nice. Wonder what brought her to this shithole."

"May'e we'll fin' ou' t'nigh," Mark mumbled through a mouthful of Captain Crunch. He swallowed. "I was surprised you invited her, actually. I don't mind, really, but you haven't been very sociable lately."

Roger picked up his guitar and struck a few random notes.

"She's nice, she's new here and she's alone. That's all!"

Mark smirked at him.

"Yeah, and the fact that she was blatantly flirting with you hasn't got anything to do with it."

"Mark, please. I'm not looking for a girlfriend. Besides, I doubt she'd be interested in a guy who's dirt broke, about ten years older than her and HIV positive."  
"Oh, and here we go again," Mark groaned. "You know, it would be perfectly alright for you to date healthy women!"

"Yeah, right. And when things actually get a little hotter I tell her, 'Sorry honey, but you don't really want to literally fuck with death!'"

"Use protection."

"That's not one hundred percent safe."

"Nothing is!"

Roger rolled his eyes. "How about abstinence?"

"Why don't you just become a fucking monk, Roger?"

They laughed at the pun, the tension lifting.

"Besides," Roger added, again strumming random notes, "she's not my type."

"Yeah, you don't like cute blondes with freckles and a great… personality…"

"Shut up!"

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**REVIEW!!!**_


	2. Drunken bliss

A/N: Here you go: Chapter Two! And a pretty long one at that. Please review and let me know what you think. Although I have a plotline, I'm always open for suggestions. Once school starts again (bleh! Thank G-d it's the last semester) I won't be able to update every other day or so, but I should manage a chapter a week.

Chapter 2

At about seven o'clock that evening, Mark and Roger headed downstairs to pick up Leni.

Mark had his camera rolling and was narrating.

"Close up on Roger, who is about to introduce us to our lovely new neighbour. Say hello, Roger!"

The guitarist flipped him off, but Mark was unfazed by this. He continued talking while Roger knocked.

"Behind this door lives new citizen of Alphabet City Leni Hollis, who just moved here from Brooklyn, of all places."

The door opened and Leni stepped out to join them.

She looked nice, in faded and slightly baggy jeans, a red tank top and a black cardigan she kept open. Her strawberry blonde hair was unbound for a change and curled to slightly below her shoulders.

"Hi Roger, hi Mark… um, what are you doing?"

Roger rolled his eyes. "He's taking that thing everywhere. Ignore him as best you can, you don't stand a chance against Mark and the camera."

"Say hello, Leni!" Mark called from behind the camera.

"Hi," answered Leni with a small smile and gave a wave. Roger put a hand on her shoulder.

"Come, let's go. I'm starving."

"I haven't eaten today either…"

Mark kept on filming as Roger and Leni walked side by side, chatting animatedly. It was good to see Roger out and about again.

* * *

Shortly before they entered the Life, Mark noticed that Leni was fidgeting and casting nervous glances about. 

"Hey, don't sweat it," he encouraged her, "they're going to like you."

"If you say so," she mumbled and entered after Roger.

Maureen, Joanne and Collins had gathered around a table already. Maureen was giving a very detailed, loud and physical description of something and Collins watched her with a grin on his face, now and then exchanging a glance with Joanne.

Mark, Leni and Roger made their way through the crowded café to their table. Maureen broke off mid-tirade and looked at the newcomer curiously.

"Guys," Mark said, getting everyone's attention, "this is our new neighbour, Leni Hollis!"

"Hello Leni," Collins greeted her with a warm smile and held out his hand. "Friends call me Collins."

"I'm Maureen," the drama queen introduced herself and grabbed Leni's hand as soon as Collins let it go. "And this is my girlfriend!"

"Hi, I'm Joanne," the lawyer said and waved from across the table.

After Leni had shaken hands all around, Collins scooted over.

"Come on, sit down, honey."

Leni flopped down onto the chair. Roger sat down beside her and Mark took a seat across from Collins.

Leni peered at the menu. "So, what's good here?"

Collins said, "Well, the pasta with meatless b…"

"DON'T even go there," Roger warned him, laughing, and pointed at the menu. "The tofu burgers are good, or try one of the salads."

"Mhhm… thanks, Roger… Yep, salad is a good idea."

A while later, Maureen tried to rope Leni into a discussion about the necessity of public protests. Joanne, who saw that Leni was a little taken aback by her girlfriend's dynamic nature quickly distracted her. With Maureen and Joanne making out and Mark having a discussion with Collins about a book they'd both read but just couldn't agree on, it left Roger to talk to Leni.

"So, was the salad any good?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, it was," Leni replied, smiling. She picked at a lose thread on her top. "Something was a bit… iffy… about those tomatoes, but other than that, it was fine. Beats meatless balls any day!"  
"Yes, don't ever let Collins pick your food! He's great when it comes to drinks, though. If you want to get really wasted, he's your guy."

"Mhh," Leni sighed longingly, "it has been a while since I last got blissfully drunk. What with work and everything…"  
"Where do you work?" Roger inquired.

"For money? At a Denny's nearby. I waitress." She laughed. "But I'm overconfident enough to call myself an artist."

"What kind…?"

"I paint," she replied. "You're a guitarist, aren't you?"

"How do you know?" Roger asked, surprised.

Leni rolled her eyes dramatically and whispered, "Magic!" Then she laughed again. "Mark told me earlier. I hope I'll hear you play sometime."

"Only if you show me your paintings," Roger challenged her with a slight grin.

"Done!"

* * *

It was a pretty chilly April night when they walked home again. Roger, noticing that Leni was shivering, peeled off his leather jacket and put it around her shoulders. 

"Thanks," she mumbled, flashed him a smile and snuggled into the fabric which was still warm from Roger's body heat.

Mark raised an eyebrow at Roger who just flipped him off and then buried his hands in his pockets.

At the door to Leni's apartment, she hugged them both goodnight.

Back at the loft, Roger collapsed onto the couch and ran his hands through his hair.

"What the hell am I doing?"

Mark was fiddling with his camera and said, without looking up, "I was about to ask you the same thing. You were totally flirting with her, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." He sat up straight again. "It's just nice to have a normal girl around, who isn't into all this shit, you know, drugs and seedy clubs and whatnot. Or at least, she doesn't seem to be."

Mark put down his camera and turned towards his best friend.

"Well, then, ask her out. Get to know her, whatever."

"Yeah, right. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm HIV+."

Mark sighed exasperatedly. "I said go on a date with her, not sleep with her right away!"

"Why waste time trying to start a relationship if you're not going to go… there!"

Roger headed towards his bedroom.

"So that's it," Mark asked him, "you're never going to date a woman who hasn't got HIV?"

"Exactly."

Roger had almost disappeared into his bedroom when a knock on the door got his attention.  
He slid the door open. It was Leni and she was holding his jacket out to him. "Here, I forgot earlier."

"Thanks," Roger said, taking it from her.

"Goodnight."

* * *

Leni found it very hard to go to sleep that night. 

She was incredibly happy about having made so many friends so fast: Mark, the scrawny blond filmmaker, Collins, who always had a big smile on his face, Joanne, the down-to-earth lawyer and her crazy girlfriend Maureen… but mostly, she thought about Roger, with his friendly smile, which always retained a hint of sadness, his vibrant green eyes and the fluffy brown hair that looked so soft Leni wanted to run her fingers through it.

She groaned and buried her face in her pillow.

_Take it one day at a time, girl._

* * *

Leni became part of the group quickly, although, like Joanne, she kept to the side, not having a history with the rest of them. 

She became very good friends with Maureen, but Roger avoided her whenever he could. He would smile and give short, friendly answers whenever she talked to him, but did not allow her to get any closer than absolutely necessary.

Three weeks after the first dinner at the Life, Leni had just put up her easel and was going to work on a new painting, when she heard loud laughter on the stairs, followed by a knock on her door.

She went to get it. Maureen, Joanne and Collins were outside, carrying several bottles.

"Come on up," Maureen invited her, giggling. "We're surprising the boys with an impromptu party."

"Okay," Leni answered, fetched her keys and closed the door behind her.

Mark answered the door at the loft and Maureen leapt into his arms, yelling "Pookie!"

Mark grunted at the unexpected onslaught, but grinned nonetheless. He disentangled himself from Maureen and greeted the rest of them.

"Guess what we brought?" Collins teased.

"Lots of Stoli?"

"You got it, boy!"

Roger looked up from tuning his guitar when Maureen bounded over to him.

"Hi, rock star!"

"Hi yourself, drama queen!"

She gave him a noisy peck on the cheek, which left a red lipstick print. Joanne wiped it off his face before giving him a hug.

Roger grinned at Maureen's antics, before his gaze found Leni.

His smile faded.

"Hey," he said, looked away quickly and took his guitar back.

Leni looked slightly hurt, but Mark just patted her shoulder.

"Never mind him, he's just in one of his moods."

"He's been in that mood for the past three weeks," Leni replied quietly, "he's been avoiding me at all costs!"

"Enough talking," Collins piped up and handed out plastic cups. "Last one drunk is a…"

"I don't think getting drunk will be a problem here," Joanne said, eying the bottles of liquor.

* * *

Sure enough, two hours later Joanne was the only one still sitting upright. She had taken it slowly, not wanting to be hung over in the morning, but her cheeks had a definte blush to them and she was playing with Maureen's curls. Maureen herself was draped across the couch and was giggling maniacally. 

Mark and Collins were playing a game in which one had to look at the other upside down and imagine the other person's chin was their nose. To accomplish this feat, they had laid themselves down onto the floor, heads next to each other and feet pointing in opposite directions. Apparently it was hilarious and Mark's laughter was becoming ever more high-pitched.

Leni had curled herself up next to Roger and was just enjoying the sensation of drunken bliss.

Roger had his arm around her shoulders and was half asleep.

"I think it's… time we went to bed, guys!" Joanne announced and got to her feet shakily.

"Pookie," Maureen whined, "I don' wanna go…"

Leni struggled to her feet and pulled Roger up with her.

"You two can… crash at my place… you want," she offered Maureen and Joanne. They accepted, or rather, Joanne did. Her girlfriend had put her head on the lawyer's shoulder and was mewling softly.

"G'dnight," Leni mumbled and kissed the corner of Roger's mouth. He tried to kiss her back, missed and kissed the tip of her nose instead.

The three women managed to leave the loft and head down the stairs with much stumbling and giggling.

Collins crawled over to the couch and fell straight asleep, while Roger and Mark retreated to their bedrooms.

_**... to be continued**_

_**REVIEW!!!**_


	3. Way too fast

A/N: Ok, so the first two chapters were a little lame, but action starts right about here, I promise. This is chapter three, everyone, and PLEASE REVIEW! Why should I continue to post if nobody bothers to tell me how they like it?

So, pretty please, drop me a line!

This one's a bit shorter.

Chapter 3

When Leni woke up the next morning, she had to shut eyes tightly against the offending sun and sat up carefully. A dull pounding beneath her temples reminded her of the prize of getting drunk.

When she made her way into the living room with tiny baby steps, she found that Joanne and Maureen had already left. The coffee can was full and the dark liquid still steaming. Underneath it was a note, which read: "Had an early appointment. Thanks for letting us stay the night. J + M"

Leni changed into a pair of black sweatpants, a green t-shirt, grabbed the coffee and went upstairs.

A bleary eyed Mark opened the door for her.

"Rise and shine," she said brightly, although there was still a mad percussionist running rampage in her head.

"Coffee…" said Mark longingly, voice still scratchy from sleep, "you're an angel. Come in!"  
She followed Mark into the loft.

Collins was tying his shoe and looked up as they approached.

"Hmm, I smell the lovely liquid of salvation," he said, closing his eyes and sniffing the air hopefully.

"Get some mugs and salvation shall be yours," Leni replied, grinning, and set the can down onto the metal table.

Mark grabbed four cups fro m a shelf and brought them over. Collins started pouring coffee.

"Why don't you wake up Roger," Mark suggested to Leni. "If you bring him coffee, he'll probably ask you to marry him on the spot."

"Now there's an incentive," she joked, took one of the mugs and went towards the door Mark had indicated.

* * *

Roger slept in boxers and an old faded t-shirt. Sometime during the night, he had kicked the sheets off of him. He was lying on his back, mouth slightly agape and ever so slightly snoring.

The light from the living room and the smell of coffee woke him up.

"Mmmm… morning," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Leni replied, knelt down next to him and gave him a peck on the cheek, which was rough with stubble. He shifted uncomfortably.

Realizing this, she sighed, backed away and handed him his coffee.

"Thanks," he said and took a sip. "Are you staying for breakfast?"

"No," Leni answered, thinking it best to avoid rapid head movement, "I just came by to bring coffee, since you boys are probably as hung over as I am."

Roger nodded, grimaced and gave a pained smile.

"I certainly am." He looked down onto the mattress. "Look, about last night…"

"It's okay," Leni interrupted him and stood up. "I got the message. Quite clearly, too."

"No, you didn't," he said almost pleadingly, "It's not that I don't like you or don't want you. It… I just can't!"

Leni raised an eyebrow.

"Okay…?"

Roger bit his lip. _Fuck it_, he thought to himself. _Time to take the plunge and be honest._

"I'm HIV positive."

"Oh." Something flashed within her eyes, some sort of emotion, but it was gone before Roger could place it.

"Well, join the club, then."

"What?" Roger gasped, utterly surprised. She smiled at him sadly.

"I'll see you later."

She left the room. He heard her say goodbye to Mark and Collins, then the loft door opened and closed.

_Join the club, then._

Roger mechanically took another sip of coffee and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

* * *

He still hadn't decided when he padded out into the living room a while later and washed his AZT down with a glass of water.

"What's up, man?" Collins asked, frowning, "You look like you just seen a ghost."  
Roger looked at him and Mark blankly. "She's got HIV."

Collins eyes grew wide and he mumbled, "Well, fuck me…" under his breath.

Mark looked horrified. "What, Leni?" He regretted the stupid question a moment later when Roger spat irritably, "No, the tooth fairy. Of course Leni."

An uncomfortable silence hovered over them.

"So, what are you going to do?" Mark finally asked.

Roger shrugged. "Go after her." He look down at himself and blushed. "Get dressed first, though."

* * *

Leni had spent an hour painting, when a knock on the window startled her.

She flinched, barely managing not to ruin the canvas.

Then she glanced out the window. It stood ajar and Roger was just climbing into her apartment.

Hastily, she wiped her hands on the old shirt she wore before ripping it off and tossing it onto the floor. The old tank top she wore underneath was not much more dressy, but at least it wasn't covered in paint stains.

"Hi," Roger said, a little awkwardly after having just clambered in through her window.

"Hey," she answered and took a hesitant step closer.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Not your fault."

"How did you get…?" he asked, shifting uncomfortably.

"Tainted needle."

"Huh. Me, too. Do you still use?"

She shook her head. "I never really used. I shot up once. That was enough. How about you?"

"I've been clean for… a year and a half now."

They had gotten continuously closer during the short exchange.

Hesitantly, Leni leaned in. Her eyes slid shut as Roger's lips brushed her own. She wound her arms around his neck, while his hands settled on her back, drawing her closer until she was flush against his body.

They continued the exchange of feather-light kisses, until Roger ran his tongue across her bottom lip. She parted her lips, inviting him in.

He moaned as her own tongue brushed against his. A moment later, they broke apart.

"So, are we…?" she asked, blushing slightly.

He looked up from nuzzling her neck. "Considering what we're doing, I sincerely hope so. Or do you just make out with mere friends?" he teased.

She answered by pulling him in for another kiss.

Things got a little heated and Leni broke away for a second to suggest, "Maybe we should… move this to the bedroom."

Once there, Leni grabbed something from a shelf. She pressed a condom in Roger's hand, gave him a wink and whispered, "Kids would not be great right now."

It was the last they spoke for the next two hours.

And the entire time, Roger tried to ignore the nasty voice in his mind which was telling him that they were moving way too fast.

_No day but today, right?_

_Forget regret!_

_Still…_

_Way too fast!_

_Fuck it!_

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**REVIEW!!! PLEASE!!! **_


	4. Talking to an angel

A/N: Thanks to my two reviewers, it means a lot to me to know the story is read. At least a lot of people look at it, I have more than 90 hits on the first chapter. So, if you're reading this, I'd love it if you could tell me your opinion. I aim to please.

Here's chapter four.

Enjoy!

_Italics are thoughts_

* * *

Chapter 4

Roger came to realize that it was probably saying a lot about your character if you're very proficient at sneaking away… afterwards.

He managed to crawl over Leni, who was still sleeping soundly on the mattress she had for a bed, gather up his clothes, dress in silence and then leave the apartment.

He'd hoped to be able to just sneak back to his room, but he ran out of luck when he entered the loft.

Mark and Collins were sitting on the couch, the inevitable coffee cups in their hands. They had been talking, but fell silent when Roger entered.

"Hi guys," he said lamely.

"Hey," Mark said, "how are you?"

"Fine."

_Great. I just screwed Leni. Then I woke up thinking about Mimi. So I ran. Peachy!_

"Where were you?" Collins asked, a knowing smile on his face. Roger became acutely aware of the fact that he held his shoes in his hands, his shirt was unbuttoned and he was missing a sock.

"I think I have the vaguest idea," Mark teased.

Roger wasn't in the mood for their jokes, so he said nothing and just went into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

His place was a mess. There were clothes, both clean and dirty, strewn around the room, two empty beer bottles sat next to the mattress, several notebooks lay scattered and an ashtray on the floor contained a number of stubs and three guitar picks.

Sighing, he began to pick up the trash and throw his clothes in one -still messy but manageable- pile.

"Yo man, you okay?" he heard Collins yell from outside.

"I'm fine, Collins," he shouted back, the 'leave me alone' definitely implied in his tone of voice.

He had just straightened his room into something resembling order when there was a knock on his door.

"I said I'm fine," he growled, "go away."

"Either you open this door, Davis, or I break it down!"

_Leni. _

He sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. _Time to face the music._

Opening the door, he said, "I'm sorry…"

A sock caught him right in the face and left him stunned for a while.

Her brown eyes were blazing with fury and he noted that for a woman so tiny, she very much resembled an angry brown bear.

"You left," she accused him, "You just fucking left! What the hell do you think that was, a test drive? And that from Mr. Oh-I-hope-we-are-together-or-do-you-make-out-with-friends! Great, Roger! Really!"

He let her yell, not having much to say in his defence anyway. It occurred to him that she must have just gotten up, since she was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, which she wore backwards. Her hair was still tousled and she was missing socks and shoes.

"You'll get a cold," he said quietly.

She heaved a deep, shuddering sigh.

"Is that really all you have to say?"

"I'm sorry," Roger repeated, "I don't know… I just woke up and I freaked, you know?"

"No, I don't know." Leni's eyes were glistening with tears, but she was not crying. Quietly, coldly she said, "Fuck you, Davis! Come back when you know what you want instead of just…," she fell silent, regarded him for another moment and then left the loft. Roger just stared after her. Suddenly, he noticed that Mark and Collins had witnessed the entire exchange and were now looking at him with questioning looks on their faces.

"What happened, Rog?" Mark asked quietly. He was always concerned for his roommate, who had quite a volatile temper and was prone to mood swings.

"I thought you heard," Roger said simply, "We slept together and I left."

"Why did you just leave?" Collins asked, "She's a sweet girl. And cute. Okay, she is not…"

"Not Mimi. Exactly!"

Again, the bedroom door slammed behind Roger, shutting out Collins' reply of, "I was going to say 'not very tall'…"

* * *

Leni was fuming when she came back to her own apartment.

_He freaked. Really fucking great. Lamest excuse EVER!_

The red light on her answering machine blinked. She pressed the play button and an agitated female voice started speaking.

"Hi Leni, it's Allie." Alessandra Santino was Leni's best friend; they had known each other since high school. "I hope your offer still stands, I really have to get away from here. Get this, I'm two weeks out of second rehab and they're bugging me about college. I told my father to shove NYU up his ass, for all I care and he wasn't happy. I… God, I really have to move out of here. I'll probably be there in about two months, once my sister has had her baby. Let me know if I can, ok?" The message ended.

Leni thought about calling her back, in order to have someone to discuss the recent events with, but Alessandra had a lot on her mind as it was, and she didn't want to bother her friend.

It had been a well known secret that Alessandra had been unable to attend the graduation ceremony because her parents had whisked her away to rehab the moment the finals were done. Her addiction had started with smoking weed in sophomore year and, after repeating senior year once, had progressed to heroin. It was a miracle she had graduated at all.

Leni took a shower and dressed for the day. She didn't feel like eating, so she just straightened up her room, growling when she picked up the condom wrapper off the floor and chucked it into the trash with unnecessary vehemence.

Afterwards, she tried painting some more, but she couldn't concentrate. Finally, she gave up, picked up the phone and called Maureen.

It was in the early afternoon, so she figured the drama queen would be home.

Sure enough, Maureen picked up after the third ring.

"Hi, Mo," Leni greeted her, "how about we get wasted tonight again?"

She heard Maureen's chuckle on the other end.

"I'd love to," was her reply, "but I think Joanne would kill me. Besides, we're supposed to spend the next couple of days at her parents' house and I can't show up there with a hangover like this morning. Some other time, ok?"

"Sure," Leni sighed, "have fun and say hi to Joanne for me."

She hung up and started tapping her foot against the low table nervously.

Perhaps a walk would do her good.

She met Collins on the stairs. He was heading outside just as she was.

"Hey Leni," he called, as she was just about to retreat into her loft.

_Avoid awkward questions, avoid…_

"Hi Collins," she answered reluctantly, keeping her gaze fixed on the floor and shuffling her feet in the old sneakers.

"How are you?" he asked her, his expression serious. Receiving nothing but a noncommittal shrug in return, he went on, "Roger really knows he fucked up, and he's sorry. He's just really bad with words. He'll probably come by later and make puppy eyes at you."

"Well, puppy eyes are not exactly enough. I feel like trash right now, and there is no one who even cares…" Now the first tears escaped her eyes, but she wiped them away furiously. "I miss my best friend, but she's in a load of shit herself right now…"  
Collins laid an arm around her shoulders in sympathy.

"You know who I always talk to when I feel really alone?"

* * *

"Hey, baby," Collins said softly, kneeling down in front of the grave, "there's someone I want you to meet. That's Leni! She's new here and probably Roger's new girl, but they're having problems. I know you'd be able to fix'em if you were here."

He kissed the tips of his fingers and put them on the cool surface of the headstone. Then he motioned for Leni to get closer. She had been waiting a little to the side, in order to give Collins some privacy.

"Angel," he said softly, "was the soul of our group. He was always there, whenever someone needed help. And I still talk to him, tell him what's going on…"

"Maureen told me about him," Leni replied, just as quietly, "I wish I could have met him." She sighed deeply. "What do you think his advice would have been?"

Collins shrugged. "Depends on how much you care for Roger. If it's only a little crush, don't bother, just get over it. If it's more, then you should fight for him. Against him, too if that's what it takes. He can be a pig-headed piece of shit!"

She stared down at her fingers, embarrassed by what she was about to ask.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"  
"Hell yeah," he said with a smile, "that's what happened between me and him!"

"Then I know what to do. Thanks, Collins." She knelt down and put her finger on top of the stone as well. "And thank you, Angel."

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**REVIEW PLEASE!!!**_


	5. Taking it slow

A/N: (sniffles sadly) I like reviews. So thanks to DancinMadarin, StarLightStarBright567 and Rachel. Here you go with chapter five. Don't hate me for it, no matter how odd it might seem!

And please review! Don't just read without comment.

Hate me, love me, just don't ignore me! (Ok, that was my Drama queen-moment!)

On with the chapter.

_Italics are thoughts._

* * *

Chapter 5

Back at the loft, Mark was interrogating Roger. He had sat down next to the guitarist on the metal table and, using the threat of putting Maureen on his case if he refused to talk, managed to elicit a few half-hearted comments from his roommate.

"So, what was so bad about being with her?" he asked for the umpteenth time.

Roger shrugged and traced idle patterns in the cereal crumbs on the table surface.

"I dunno. I just… I managed to fuck up every single one of my relationships in the past, so I kinda figured this one would get fucked up anyway."  
Mark furrowed his brow, trying to see his reasoning.

"Okay," he summarized slowly, "you're afraid to fuck up another relationship because your previous ones have been fucked up, so you just fuck this one up before it even is a relationship so you can't fuck up later?!"  
Roger frowned at him. "Precisely," he growled, "although, put like that, it makes me sound like a complete jerk."

Mark shrugged, not about to show sympathy. "You behaved like a complete jerk. Fine, so Leni is not Mimi, get over it. Mimi is not a broken guitar string that you can just replace with a new one, they are two completely different people. You say you still love Mimi?"

"Yes," Roger answered without hesitation, "but not like that. I wouldn't want to be with her again. We're past that point."

"But you feel attracted to Leni? Technically, you would want to be with her?"

The songwriter jumped off the table and started to pace.

"Yes," he answered at length, "I would really want to be with her. But after the stunt I pulled today, she'd probably never speak to me again, anyhow."

Mark shrugged, slipped off the table and picked up his jacket.

"I don't think she's as mad as you think. Just… try and talk to her."

He wound his blue-and-white scarf around his neck and picked up the camera, grabbing his keys on the way to the door.

"I'll be out filming, Rog, so you have the entire loft to yourself if you decide you want to … talk… to Leni." He gave his roommate a playfully lewd wink, to which Roger replied by flipping him off, smiling.

* * *

Leni was surprised to find that Collins had been right. Roger was waiting for her, leaning against the wall next to her apartment door and absentmindedly playing with a loose thread on his t-shirt.

He looked up as she approached, a strained smile on his face.

"Hey. Wanna come upstairs and talk?"

She didn't return his smile. Her normally kind face reminded him eerily of that of an ice sculpture in the shape of a cherub.

"Fine," she said shortly and motioned for him to lead the way.

They went upstairs in silence and Roger opened the door for her.

She brushed past him and sat down on the couch.

"Can I…" Roger cleared his throat, "can I get you anything? Tea? Water?"

"No, thanks. You said you wanted to talk, well, talk!"

He sat down on the low table in front of the couch and ran a hand through his already messy hair.

After a few heartbeats of uncomfortable silence, he grinned, although it was more of a pained grimace.

"I'm really not good at this," he admitted.

"Apparently not," she agreed, but she smiled a little and Roger decided that was a good sign.

"Look, Leni, I like you. And last night was… really great. But I also hardly know you, and you don't really know me either."

"So you're saying it was a mistake."

"Yes. No. Oh hell…" he groaned and again raked his hands through his hair, "I'm saying that it was too soon. I want to be with you, but we should take it slow."

Leni just shrugged. "Okay, slow is fine with me," she agreed, "but that doesn't really explain why you ran."  
He looked her straight in the eyes at this, wondering how to make her understand that no matter how much he liked her or might come to like her, there would always be that underlying fear of hurting her, of screwing up her life like he screwed up his own. _Then again_, he mused, _Leni's pretty screwed up already._

"I panicked," he said finally, "because I realised that it was too much too soon. And, sadly, I tend to run away from problems."

Her smile widened.

"Oh, you're having a moment of honesty here?"

"Yeah, well," he said gruffly, "don't get used to it."

He held out his hands and, after a moment of hesitation, she placed hers in his.

"Are we together?" she asked tentatively, "For real, this time?"  
"Yeah, I think so." He smiled back at her, leaned forward and captured her lips in a tender kiss.

_I won't screw up this time._

_At least I'll try not to._

* * *

"So, what about your parents?"

Roger and Leni were on the roof, lying on a blanket, with a few bottles of beer and two boxes of Chinese takeout next to them. They had decided to have a 'picnic' there, a kind of date and were now talking about whatever came to their minds.

"My parents," Leni began to answer Roger's question, "are your typical middle-class parents, in every way possible. My mother is an elementary school teacher, my father works for a real estate company. I have a sister, who's seventeen and a senior in high school. And your family?"

"Similar," he replied and adjusted his arm around her shoulders. She rolled over so that she was on her side, with her head on Roger's arm. When she realised that he wasn't going to elaborate, she gently prodded him in the ribs to urge him to continue. He grinned and squirmed away.

"Hey, no tickling. Okay, so my mother's a nurse, my father's a cop. No siblings. I'm from Scarsdale, like Mark. You can probably imagine that my parents were thrilled that their son wanted to become a rock star."

"I suppose so…" she trailed, curling a strand of his hair around her fingers.

He pushed himself up and rolled over, to lie half on his side, half on top of her body, and dipped his head down to kiss her softly.

She let her eyes slide shut as his tongue brushed her lips gently. She parted them as he deepened the kiss, playfully exploring her mouth and teasing her tongue with his own.  
She almost whimpered as his lips left hers to trail down her neck, nipping occasionally at the soft skin there and placing butterfly kisses on her collarbone.

She gripped his shoulders in an effort not to squirm under his touch, since his hands had taken up exploring as well.

Just as they dipped ever so slightly beneath the hem of her shirt, she managed to form a coherent sentence again.

"Roger, what happened to… mmh… what happened to taking it slow…?"

"We are," Roger whispered against her lips, "we're making out slowly."

But he obediently backed off a little and grinned at the sight of her flushed face.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," he observed smugly.

"Yeah, a little," she breathed and smoothed her hair down.

Roger laughed and pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her and enjoying how she fit so snugly to the side of his body.

"What can I say," he stated with satisfaction, "I am a sex god!"

She slapped his arm and grinned, but didn't deny his claim.

* * *

The loft door was opened furiously and slammed shut with as much vehemence.

"God, I _hate_ people!" Mark growled furiously as he chucked his bag in a corner and put his camera down on the table.

Roger looked up from his perch on the window seat where he had been trying to come up with a new song. "What happened, Mark?" he asked, concerned and at the same time amused by Mark's grimace.

"Some asshole decided he was too ugly to be filmed and set a patrolling cop on me because he saw the camera pointed his way,"

"Oh shit," Roger agreed, setting down his guitar and swinging his legs of the seat. "Did you get in trouble?"

Mark sighed and sat down heavily on a kitchen chair. "No. He 'let me off with a warning.' Dumb bastard! The camera wasn't even running, I was just checking the focus!"

Roger got to his feet and stretched. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure," Mark agreed, rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes.

Roger went to the stove and prepared coffee.

"How did it go with Leni?" Mark asked without opening his eyes.

"Fine," Roger replied, "we agreed to take things slow for now. But we are dating… kinda."

"Huh? What's 'kinda' mean?"  
Roger sighed. "We hardly know each other. We both think the other one is nice, hot, and we're connected because we're both sick. I just don't know if that's enough for a relationship. But so far, it's been really fun to be with her. Which reminds me, Maureen and Joanne called, they wanna meet us at the Life later. Could you pick Leni up?"

He handed Mark one of the mugs. The filmmaker stared suspiciously at the light brown substance, which didn't really remind him of coffee. Then he heard Roger's question and looked up at his roommate, his brow furrowed.

"Why aren't you picking her up?"

Roger grinned broadly. "I have a job interview. They're looking for a new bartender at this little Italian place down the street. And I figured, I've tended a few bars in my day. Might as well give it a shot."

"That's great, Rog," said Mark, beaming at him, "Well, I wish you the best of luck!"

* * *

Shortly after six p.m. that evening, Mark went downstairs to pick Leni up.

The door to her apartment stood ajar, and he entered, knocking on the doorframe.

Leni was already dressed to go, but she was frantically searching for something.

"Hey," Mark said. She looked up from her shuffling and said, "Oh, hi Mark. I'll be with you in a second…"

"Lose your AZT?"

"No, worse. My wallet. Wanna help me look?" she asked, sounding somewhat desperate. Mark smiled at her and agreed, "Sure."

He took a few more steps inside and put his camera on a small coffee table.

"I'm sure I just shoved it in a drawer somewhere," she mumbled, more to herself than to Mark.

The filmmaker looked around, wondering where to start looking. One of the drawers of her dresser stood out a little. He pulled it out all the way and lifted out the thick wad of paper to check beneath it.

The wallet wasn't inside, but as he was about to put the papers back, he noticed something else.

The top sheet bore a hospital stamp and it detailed the results of the HIV test of 'Hollis, Elena'. The date on it said that she had taken it three weeks ago.

It was negative.

Mark heard the blood pound in his ears. His first thought was, _I cannot tell Roger. This would crush him. Not another lying, cheating bitch…_

"I found it!"

Leni bounded back into the room, waving the wallet happily. Then she noticed the papers in Mark's hands and her smile faded.

In a voice that just couldn't get any colder, Mark said, "Care to explain?"

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**PLEASE REVIEW!!! You'd make my day! **_


	6. Lies

A/N: Hi guys! Hey, it's a really long one this time! I hope you like it! Don't hate me for it… or hate me if you have to, just tell me how you liked it! Next chapter, we will be seeing Mimi again. Good?

Enjoy chapter six!

_Italics are thoughts._

* * *

Chapter 6

"Oh my God…" Leni whispered. Her eyes widened in shock at the sight of the sheets of paper in Mark's hands.

The filmmaker scoffed. "He won't help you." He slammed the drawer shut angrily. The old wood groaned in protest. "What the fuck is this? How could you lie like that to us? To Roger?"

He flung the papers at her feet. They scattered all over the floor and Mark saw that most of them were sketches.

"Roger…" Leni said his name softly, almost like a prayer. It seemed to jolt her out of her reverie. "Mark, you can't tell him!"

"Damn right I won't," Mark agreed, "you will!"

She swallowed dryly, tears pricking at the back of her eyes. "Y…yes, of course. Just… not now! Please, Marky, give me some time!"

"Don't 'Marky' me," he hissed furiously. "How long do you plan to wait? Until he has fallen for you and you would really break his heart?"

Her big eyes were swimming in tears by then and her bottom lip quivered. Mark hated himself for it, but he was beginning to soften. Maureen had always used the teary eyes on him whenever she wanted something, and, damn it, it worked.

"Please, Mark," Leni implored him, "I'll tell him this month, just give me some time. Roger is… everything I have right now. I don't want to lose him already. I want to be able to explain it to him and right now, he would only turn away. Maybe a little later, he'd see that we… that there is something worth forgiving me for!"

"Oh, spare me the sugary pleas, ok!" Mark told her. He took a deep breath.  
"Why did you lie in the first place?" he asked, a little calmer.

"I overheard you guys," she explained, "When he said he'd never date a woman without HIV. And I thought… I didn't really think at all. He's just so amazing, and if my being healthy was the only reason he didn't want me…"

Mark listed and looked only mildly disgusted.

"For the life of me, I don't get what you girls see in Roger that makes you do crazy shit like that! Do you even know what kind of risk you're taking?"

She nodded.

"Please, Mark, just give me two to three weeks, that's all I ask."

Mark stared at her for a moment before sighing.

"I cannot believe I'm agreeing to this. Fine," he held his hand up as she squealed, "three weeks tops! This is fucking serious, Leni, so wipe that smile off your face. I'm only letting this go because I think it's good for Roger to be with someone. But not if that someone is lying to his face all the time, so if you won't tell him, I will! And," his icy gaze softened a little, "be careful, cause he won't be. He doesn't know he has to!"

* * *

The atmosphere at the Life Café was strained that evening.

Leni kept to herself, answered questions shortly and kept shooting anxious glances at the door. She was waiting for Roger to arrive, anticipating it and dreading it at the same time.

Mark was a little distracted himself and hardly paid attention to the story Collins told about his time at NYU.

Some of the tension was lifted when Roger arrived, grinning happily.

"How did it go?" Leni asked curiously.

"It was fine," he answered and sat on the chair next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "They'll call sometime next week."

"Why is it taking them a week?"

"The owner is out of town or something." He was going to say something else, but noticed that Leni wasn't paying attention anymore. Her gaze had fallen onto her hands and her left leg was twitching nervously.

"You okay, Leni?" he asked quietly. She flashed him a smile and nodded, not really trusting her own voice.

Mark saw the exchange and sighed. Knowing Roger, he would have one hell of a time convincing him to forgive Leni once she told him. And he wasn't even sure he would so readily do that. For once, maybe it was not his job to pick up the pieces but to just watch the events unfold, no matter how hard that would be on Leni.

_It's her own damn fault._

_She lied._

_Women. Seriously._

Finally Joanne raised her hand to get everyone's attention.

"The reason we invited you here tonight," she began, "yes, you are invited, Mark, don't argue… is that Maureen said she needed moral support."

"I do," Maureen said, picking up on her cue and adding just the right amount of dramatic tremor to her voice, "we're going to Miami with her parents for_ three weeks_! They _hate_ me!"

"They don't hate you, honeybear," Joanne said patiently and patted her hand, "they just remember having to pay for an engagement reception which did not turn out the way it was supposed to." Leni sensed that there was a story there which was better not talked about. "Anyway, it means that we won't be here for your birthday, Collins, so we're taking you out today, ok?"

"Anything you say is fine," the philosopher assured her and relaxed into his chair with a broad grin on his face.

* * *

They returned home much later that night.

The tension between Mark and Leni was still palpable, but Roger, apart from that one instance earlier, remained happily oblivious.

In front of her apartment, they stopped and she hugged Mark goodnight. His embrace was a little wooden.

Roger puller her in for a kiss, which remained – to Leni's disappointment – quite chaste.

"Are you tired?" she asked quietly. "You know, you could stay a while. Just to talk or whatever."

She looked at him hopefully, but Roger pushed her away gently.

"No, I'm… really tired. I'll turn in."

"But…"

"_Not_ tonight," he interrupted her sharply. Then he gave her a little peck on her hair and said, "See you tomorrow, Leni."

He trudged up the stairs and Mark followed him, after giving her a sympathetic smile.

Not that she really wanted sympathy. She felt her face burn with embarrassment.

_Fuck, I feel like a sophomore in high school, asking one of the jocks out and being turned down._

She entered her apartment, angrily slamming the door behind her.

_God, this evening turned out to be hell!_

After throwing her purse in a corner, she stripped and stepped into the shower.

_Trust Roger Davis to make me feel like I'm thirteen again._

The water was cold, but she didn't care.

_I have to tell him…_

Tears joined the water on her face.

…_then it'll be over anyway._

* * *

Mark eyed his roommate suspiciously as the entered the loft.

Roger went over to the couch and picked up his guitar.

He struck a few cords, listened to the way they echoed in the sparsely furnished room and played them again. To Mark's observation that he didn't seem particularly tired, he nodded mutely.

Mark sat down next to him. The loft was dimly lit from a single naked light bulb under the ceiling. The way it played over Roger's face, it reminded Mark of the times his best friend had been on stage, basking in the bright glare of the stage lights.

"What's the problem, Rog?" he asked gently. "I thought you said you were over Mimi."

"I am!" Roger said hastily, "Nothing's wrong."

"Right…," Mark replied, "you forget how well I know you. I've seen you with a couple of girlfriends. Judith in high school, April, Mimi… something's different here!"

"What the fuck are you on about, Cohen?" Roger snapped irritably, "This is only the third day we're dating!"

"So? When you were with Mimi, it only took you a couple of hours until you were all over each other. And I've never met anyone who was a big on pet names as you and you only ever call her Leni."

The guitarist sighed and put down his instrument.

"I dunno. I really like her. And she's hot… in a cute way. Am I making sense?"

Mark laughed and motioned for him to continue.

"Anyway, I feel like… if I let her too close to me, I'll corrupt her with all my shit. So she shot up once, she really paid for it. But otherwise she seems so … not like us. She doesn't fit into this whole sex, drugs and rock'n roll deal. Then again, that's what I like about her."

Mark had listened and now gave his friend a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Well, either break it off with her or be for real. The way you're carrying on reminds me too much of my last weeks with Maureen. Cute hugs and kisses, but nothing real"

He went towards his bedroom, but turned back once more, as another thought came to his mind.

"And somehow I don't think there's much about her for you to still corrupt," he said bitterly, and, on that cryptic note, disappeared into his bedroom.

* * *

Mark had hoped Roger would break up with Leni. It was horrible to wish that on someone, but the knowledge of her lie weighed heavily on him. He knew Roger would freak out once he found out and ending it then would perhaps have been kinder.

Oftentimes during the course of the next two weeks, he considered just telling Roger, but the musician was just becoming comfortable around his new girlfriend.

Leni herself avoided being alone with Mark and returned his urging looks only with apologetic ones.

One morning, about two and a half weeks after Mark had found out about Leni's secret, he woke up around noon to find Roger gone.

He went about preparing coffee as usual, already suspecting where his roommate might be.  
Sure enough, just as coffee was done, Roger entered the loft, his hair tousled and a content expression on his face.

"Morning, Rog," Mark greeted him, "you guys are… back where you started?"

"Hmm…" Roger grinned, "very much so."

He grabbed a cup and poured himself some coffee.

Mark hopped up onto the metal counter.

"So, Collin's birthday!" he announced. "He's coming over…"

"…with lots of Stoli, like last year," Roger finished for him. "Yes, I know. It's a shame Mo and Jo can't celebrate with us."

"You think we should, I dunno, invite Benny?"

Roger made a face. "Ew, no! Let Collins go get drunk with him on his own time. I don't want that scum here, especially not around my girlfriend."

* * *

With the few brain cells she still had actively available, Leni managed to deduce that the boys were a bad influence on her.

She was dead drunk, yet again.

Mark had already passed out halfway on his bed. The door to his bedroom stood open so they could see him hanging off of the side of his mattress, snoring loudly.

Collins had already snuggled beneath the blanket on the couch they had provided for him. It was four a.m. and the 'party' was over.

Roger, while drunk, was still quite understandable. At that particular moment, he was using his lips not for speech, however, but for sucking gently on Leni's neck, at the same time as his fingers drew fantasy designs on her stomach.

She whimpered beneath his touch, her sense of touch heightened by the alcohol while everything else had been pleasantly dulled by it.

"Guys, get a room," Collins grumbled from the couch.

"Sorry," Roger giggled and together they stumbled towards his bedroom.

From then on, it was just drunken fumbling, touching and gasping.

Neither of them thought to reach for the box of condoms on the nightstand.

* * *

When Leni woke up the next morning, she felt incredibly hung over, but also very content.  
Roger was still lying next to her, one of his arms draped across her stomach. He looked so adorable while he was asleep…

The last few times they had slept together, Roger had usually left afterwards, not without a goodbye, but only once had he spent the entire night. She enjoyed waking up next to him. It even made the headache bearable.

However, something felt different about last night. She furrowed her brow, trying to recall what had happened exactly.

_Making out, Collins telling us to take it somewhere private…ok, I remember that much. And then…_

Suddenly, frantically, she bolted upright and her gaze flew to the box on the nightstand. It was closed, sealed, good as new.

_FUCK!_

A cold feeling of dread settled over her, drowning out even the hangover.

She felt sick.

_God no!!!_

One hand pressed tightly over her mouth, she bolted towards the bathroom, ignoring Roger's sleepy mumblings.

_Please, God, this can't have happened…_

But it had.

She just barely made it before throwing up into the toilet.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**Reviews make author happy! Wanna make me happy?**_


	7. Turn away

A/N: Here's chapter seven, everyone! It's another long one. I hope you'll enjoy it, I hope I'll get reviews for it! Thanks to my reviewers, you really made my day. I watched the deleted 'Goodbye Love'-scene today. FA-BU-LOUS! It's a shame they cut it. There were some moments there that fed me ideas for my next chapters, so expect some angst!

Enjoy chapter seven, and please review!

* * *

Chapter 7 

Right after she had started gagging, Leni heard hurried footsteps and a moment later a concerned Roger burst into the bathroom.

"God, baby…"

He knelt next to her, held her hair and rubbed her back in slow soothing circles.

She coughed up spit and stomach fluid twice more before sitting back and closing her eyes, trying to quell the flow of tears. She heard water running.

Something moist touched her face. She looked up and saw that Roger was dabbing at her face with a cold, wet towel. His free hand held the chipped mug in which he and Mark normally kept their toothbrushes. It was filled with water and she took it gratefully, rinsed out her mouth, spat into the toilet and then flushed.

Roger helped her to her feet and she washed her shaking hands.

"You okay?" he asked softly and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. "D'you want some… I dunno… tea or water or something?"

"No thanks," she said, giving him a strained smile. Her throat hurt and her voice was croaky. "I'm just… really hung over."

He smiled in understanding and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Come back to bed, baby."

She nodded and let him lead her back to bed. He slipped under the covers first and then opened his arms for her. She snuggled up to him, his body heat felt wonderful after having her bare feet on the cold bathroom tile.

"Go back to sleep," he advised her, kissed her hair and closed his eyes.

Leni couldn't sleep. The fact that he was being so sweet hurt like an open wound and she hated herself so much for lying that it took all of her willpower to just stay still. She felt like running from the loft, from Alphabet City… somewhere.

Even as Roger's breathing slowed and it became evident that he was asleep, she just stared blindly at the ceiling, unblinking, ignorant of her burning eyes.

_Don't think…_

She breathed deeply. Suddenly it felt so important to do that.

_Don't think of what happened._

When had she ever really paid attention to breathing? Or to feeling? She now felt Roger's arms around her, his bare chest beneath her head.

_Don't think of what might happen._

She loved the feeling of being in his arms. And she hated herself. Did she deserve him? Certainly not.

_Don't think…_

* * *

Then next day brought her monthlies. As much as she normally hated that time of the month, the accompanying cramps and backaches, she actually welcomed it this time. It gave her an excuse to stay away from Roger's bed and for being irritable and distracted. The men believed without a second thought that it was due to her condition. 

Five days after the incident, she couldn't take it anymore. She broke down to a co-worker, telling her everything and sobbing into her shoulder. The friendly woman who saw Leni not really as a gown-up but more like a screwed up kid, told her to go to the hospital to get a test done, right after work. She even came with her and held her hand as they drew blood.

Later that very same day, Leni sat in her apartment, her high school yearbook open on her knees. She had thumbed through the pages, trying and failing to recall every last detail of what her senior year had been like, of what her friends were doing now… she only knew about Alessandra, and that was because Allie had been too stubborn to let the friendship die down and kept calling, although Leni hardly ever called back.

It occurred to her that, if she really was sick and the rest of the group rejected her for lying, as they surely would, she would be alone.

The thought made her tear up once more, but before she could reach for a tissue, a knock on the door interrupted her musings.

"It's…it's open," she called. _Please, please don't be Roger!_

It was Mark. He had barely entered when he launched into what was obviously a rehearsed speech.

"Time is up, Leni. I told you I would wait for you to tell him and you haven't, so now I… why are you crying?"

The anger in his voice died down and was immediately replaced by concern.

Mark had never been able to see a woman cry without offering some sort of comfort. Now he sat down next to Leni and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"What is it?" he prodded gently.

"Remember when you told me to be careful…?" she began quietly, not once meeting Mark's eyes. "I wasn't. Roger and I… we were both drunk off our asses and we forgot to use any…" She felt Mark's arm slowly slip from her shoulders . "I went to the hospital today to get myself tested. It'll take them about a week…" A deep, shuddering breath. "Mark, I'm scared!"

Mark pulled her into his arms as she began to cry loudly, each sob shaking her entire body. He could do nothing but whisper soothing nonsense into her hair while his own head reeled.

Roger found them like this and he hurried immediately to his girlfriend's side.

"What is it, baby?" he asked as he eased her out of Mark's arms and into his.

She didn't answer, just buried her face in his shirt and cried. Roger looked at Mark helplessly.

The filmmaker sighed. He did not want to have to say it, but there was no way around it.

"She's scared, Rog. She took an HIV test today."

Leni's sobbing ceased and she looked at Mark, horror clearly written in her face. Roger still held her close as he cast Mark a confused look.

"The hell…? You're already positive." It was directed at Leni, but again it was Mark who answered.

"No, she wasn't, Roger. She was negative all this time."

The musician let go off her, and got to his feet. Without looking at her, he said, "And there I was wondering how I'd fuck this one up. Great! You took care of it for me."

He started to leave. "Roger," Leni called after him. _I love you! _"I'm sorry!"

His answer was simple.

"Fuck off!"

* * *

Leni just sat there, looking at the door through which Roger had just disappeared. She felt numb. In some twisted portion of her brain she registered that this was actually an improvement. A moment ago, she had been in pain and she had been scared. Now she was numb. 

"Leni?" Mark asked tentatively, "Are you ok?" He put a hand on her shoulder. "You know I had to tell him. I'll talk to him, ok? He'll come around."

She didn't answer. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Mark tried one last time. She nodded and looked him in the eye. "Leave me alone! I don't want to be around anybody right now."

He sighed, thinking that he should have suspected it. "Fine. If you need anything… you know where to find us."

He tried kissing her hair, but she pulled away.

After he had gone, Leni walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. As she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she started to laugh bitterly. She looked like hell! Her hair was dishevelled and the circles under her eyes were so dark they looked like bruises.

People kept telling her that she would be fine, but somehow she knew she wasn't. How stupid had she been, thinking that lying would be any basis for a relationship? Roger had his reasons for not wanting to date her and she had guilted him into it.

Her mother had always called her a hopeless romantic, someone with a flair for drama, but this was just too much. And now, she might pay the price for it.

Anger at herself burned inside her, and fear, and loneliness, and with a shriek of desperation, Leni rammed her hand through the door of her bathroom cabinet.

* * *

Mark heard her scream while he was preparing more coffee. Roger wasn't in the loft, he had probably gone to Tompkins Square Park to clear his thoughts, as he often did. The filmmaker was secretly glad he didn't have to deal with his roommate right now. Roger would be unbearable for the next couple of days, but Mark couldn't blame him. Ever since he had found out about being HIV positive, Roger had taken extra care not to endanger anyone around him. He didn't even let Mark look after any injury he might have sustained without surgical gloves and he would never, no matter how drunk he was, sleep with a healthy woman without a condom. He wouldn't sleep with healthy women, period. 

The telephone rang, but Mark didn't feel like talking. After two rings, the answering machine picked up and his and Roger's voice yelling "SPEAK!" rang through the loft.

"Hey, Marky," said Maureen on the other end, "it's me! Joanne and I will be back in two days, and I just called to tell you that we'll have to party… yes, Pookie, I'll be right there. Sorry, I have to go! I miss you!"

She hung up.

Mark took a deep breath. Maureen, Joanne and Collins, they didn't even know. And who'd be the one to tell them? Who else but Mark.

He grabbed the coffee pot, hissed in pain and set it back down quickly, sucking on the fingers he'd burned on the hot metal.

There was a knock on the door.

It couldn't be Roger, he wouldn't knock, and Collins called to get the keys thrown down to him. Probably Leni.

Mark strode over to the door and pulled it open.

The girl on the landing smiled at him. She was thin, but not as thin as he remembered. Her skin was a healthy colour and her eyes were clear and alert. Eyes, that were so beautiful they had once inspired his roommate to write a song about them.

Before she could say anything, Mark had pulled the tiny dancer into a rib-crushing embrace, swung her around in a circle, then sat her back down.

"Mimi…"

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I missed you, too!" she said and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"How are you?" he asked, noting that she looked fabulous.

"I'm clean," she announced happily, "my T-cells are up and I am, for lack of a better word, great. Especially now. I'm home!"

Mark, realizing that he was still holding her, quickly dropped his arms and gestured over to the couch. "Come on, sit down. I just made coffee…"

* * *

A few minutes later, they were sitting next to each other on the duct-taped couched, sipping coffee and catching up. 

Mimi told him about rehab, her family and Nevada.  
Finally, she asked, "How's Roger doing?"

"Physically, he's fine," Mark answered, "he'll be home later, he's taken a walk to, uh, clear his head. There was a bit of trouble with, um…"

"His new girlfriend?" Mimi guessed and laughed at Mark's sheepish expression. "It's okay, you know, we broke up and I expected him to move on."

"Have you?" Mark couldn't help but ask.

"There aren't many nice guys in rehab," Mimi answered and made a face, "but I'm over Roger, and now that I'm back here, I'll date again, sure."

She peered into his eyes, as if trying to read his thoughts. "So how are you, Mark Cohen?"

"Fine," he answered immediately, "I'm good." She just raised an eyebrow.

"No, I'm really…" he broke off. "I'm again the guy who can pick up the pieces. Who can take care of the mess Roger got himself into."

"Why, what happened?" Mimi asked, concern evident on her face. She put a comforting hand on Mark's knee as he sighed and began to tell the story. And while Mimi sat there and listened, Mark realised what he had missed about her most. It wasn't the way she could cheer up up any room with her laughter or the way she could turn any dull moment into a party, although he had missed that, too. But what he had missed most was the way she could be silent while listening to others, her presence alone offering comfort. Angel had possessed the same gift. And Mark found himself almost dreading the moment he would have to give Mimi up to Roger again.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**Please review. Reviewers get their very own Roger-action figure, complete with fender and emotional baggage:-)**_


	8. Is Mimi really here?

A/N: Here I give you chapter eight! I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT MY REVIEWS!!! Keep them coming and I'll update as quickly as I can! (showing here, heh)

I hope you'll have fun with your Roger action figures! There isn't much happening in this chapter, it's mostly a filler, but don't worry, I'll have the next one up tomorrow!

* * *

Chapter 8

Mark had barely finished recounting the story, when there was another loud knock on the door, accompanied by a yell.

"Roger Davis, open the door right now!"

Mark quickly got off the couch to open the door for Leni.

"Roger isn't here," he said apologetically. "But come in. There's someone I want you to meet." He gestured over to the couch. "That's Mimi. Mimi, this is Leni."

The young Latina got up and walked over to them, offering her hand to Leni, who shook it.

Mimi really was the type of girl Leni could imagine roger with. Beautiful, friendly, adventurous, sexy. And although, she felt slightly intimidated, she immediately decided she wanted to become her friend.

"I'm glad to meet you, Mimi," she said honestly, "I've heard so much about you."

"I heard a lot about you, too, just now," Mimi said, smiling kindly. "How are you holding up?"

Leni shrugged. "I feel like shit. But that's to be expected." She quickly changed the subject. "So where are you staying, Mimi? You're back for good, right?"

She felt strange talking to Roger's ex-girlfriend like that, but Mimi seemed very nice. The dancer lifted her hands in a gesture of uncertainty. "I have absolutely no idea! Since my old apartment is taken," she said teasingly, "I'll have to find a place. I'm hoping I can crash here until I find something."

"Of course you can, Meems," Mark assured her.

Leni scratched her head and bit her bottom lip. This would be awkward, but she wanted to ask anyway.

"You know of course that there's a spare room in my… in your old apartment. I wouldn't mind having a roommate, and if you think you can put up with someone else, your welcome to, you know…" she trailed off uncertainly.

Mimi stared at her and a brilliant smile spread across her face.

"You're saying I could move in with you? That is _so _nice, thank you! I would _love _to! But you don't even know me, how do you know you'll be able to put up with me?"

Leni was surprised at Mimi's enthusiasm, but, though the idea had been very sudden, she was glad. "We're not going to be crammed in one room, it's not that bad. Besides, I've heard so much about you, from Maureen especially, I don't think there will be any negative surprises."

Mark looked at the two women, completely speechless.

Then again, perhaps it was a good idea for Leni to be around Mimi, whose attitude of "no day but today – forget regret" had even shaken Roger out of depression.

"Then how about we get you settled in?" Leni suggested, and, her cheerful mood evaporating, added, "I don't think Roger will be back soon, anyway."

"I'll call you once he does," Mark promised.

"'kay, chica," Mimi announced and picked up her back, "until Mr. Grumpy-face returns, the two of us will have a really girly evening and use the time to become best friends."

She ushered Leni out the door after exchanging a meaningful glance with Mark.

* * *

In Leni's apartment, they cleaned her spare canvases and painting utensils out of the spare room and set up a mattress with blanket and pillows for Mimi. Leni shuffled her clothes in her wardrobe to make space for Mimi's things, while the dancer put some of her personal knick-knacks on a shelf in her new room.

After they were done, Mimi dropped down onto he couch and Leni went into the small kitchen space to prepare dinner.

She made pasta with tomato-mushroom sauce.

"So tell me," Mimi called from the couch, "what are you going to do about Roger?"

"Who said I was going to do anything?" Leni answered, "I fucked up. Royally. He won't forgive me for that! Right now, there is nothing for me to do but wait for my test result."

Mimi sat up straight as Leni came back to the couch with two bowls of pasta and handed one to her new roommate.

"I know you must be pretty terrified," Mimi said and took a bite. "Mmhm, this is really good… but you can't lose sight of the rest of your life. There's more going on then your test and there are plenty of people around who care about you."

"No, there aren't!" Leni insisted. "I didn't only lie to Roger, but to all of them. Do you honestly think they won't be mad?"

Mimi shrugged. "Sure they will be mad. But they'll forgive you. They'll think what you did was stupid and immature, which it was, by the way. I'm not saying this to be cruel, but you need to realise that."

"I know," Leni said sadly, "I wasn't ready for all this. Right now I feel like the earth is spinning way too fast." She made a face. "I guess Roger has this effect on people."

Mimi laughed and spooned more sauce onto her noodles. "He sure does," she agreed, "he can be very intense! You want to get him back, right?"

Leni nodded mutely.

"Then you will. Wait for the results and once you have them, you'll get your life back on track and everything will be fine!"

* * *

Mark looked out the grimy windows of the loft at the little bit of horizon he could see past the tall buildings on the other side of the street.   
Dusk, the magical hour. In the past, it had been Roger's favourite time to compose. After April had entered his life, it had been his favourite time to get high. Sometimes, Mark still caught him sitting out on the fire escape, staring at the setting sun and the array of colour it spread across the darkening sky, basking the world in a dreamy haze of light whose colour one could not quite define. But during this time of day, even Alphabet City was beautiful. If one could forget what came after it, that is.

For then came night, and with it the muggers, the drug dealers and the addicts, the pimps and the prostitutes. Dusk never lasted long enough.

Mark had waited for Roger to come home, but as the sun was about to settle, he decided to go out and look for his friend.

Roger could be careless, but he was not suicidal, he would not stay in the streets for too long after nightfall, alone and without a certain place to go to. There were only two places he could have gone and with Maureen and Joanne out of town, it only left Collins.

Sure enough, when Mark knocked on the professor's door, Collins answered and was not surprised to see him.

"Hey man, I was wondering when you'd show up. Roger's here. He told me some pretty heavy shit, man!"

"Yeah, I know," Mark answered. He stepped past Collins, who closed the door again, and into the living room. Roger was sitting on the couch, a mug of tea in front of him.

"I'll give you guys some privacy," Collins announced and retreated into his bedroom.

"Hey Marky," Roger said with a melancholy smile, "I guess you found me."

"I'm just glad you didn't run as far as Santa Fe this time," Mark replied, suddenly annoyed with him. "You know, this gets boring. It's so predictable, something goes wrong, Roger leaves! You should try something different, it might really spice things up a bit!"

The guitarist frowned at him. "Oh yeah?" he spat, "what should I have done? Say 'oh, it's fine. By the way, is your name really Leni? Are you really a girl?' She fucking lied!"

"And now she's probably fucking dying," Mark yelled back. "I think she's been punished enough!"

"**That is not my fault**," Roger screamed, leaping off the couch and angry tears shooting into his eyes.

"Oh…" Mark understood. It was less Roger's anger at being lied to, although he was probably really pissed off about it, it was guilt, which had driven him away. If Leni got HIV, it would be his virus, it would've been his actions which had given it to her, despite the fact that he hadn't known she was negative. And that Roger couldn't deal with.

"Nobody thinks it's your fault," Mark said gently, "Leni least of all. I'm not saying go back and forgive and forget, but, for Christ's sake, talk to her. You never do that!"

"For Christ's sake," Roger repeated with a grimace which probably should resemble a grin, "you know, that just doesn't sound convincing, coming from a Jew!"

Mark chose not to comment on Roger's pitiful attempt at humour.

"Come home!" he commanded and then decided to throw his roommate another bone, "Mimi's back!"

* * *

Mimi and Leni were straightening out the mess they had made in the living room.

Mimi was washing dishes when someone pounded on the door.

"I'll get it," Leni called and set down the dirty plates she had gathered.

She opened the door and froze.

It was Roger and he seemed out of breath, as if he had jogged up the stairs two at a time and at great speed.

"Is…" he had to take a breath, "is Mimi really here?"

Leni felt her heart break a tiny bit more, but she nodded and ushered him inside.

Mimi had dried her hands on a dish towel and now came over to them.

The two former lovers just stared at each other until Roger finally opened his arms and Mimi came flying into his embrace. They stood like that, unmoving, until the sound of a door closing shook them out of their reverie.

Leni had retreated to her bedroom to give them some time alone. Courtesy, nothing more. Good manners, as her mother had taught her.

_Bullshit!_

She threw herself down facedown onto her mattress as hot tears ran down her cheeks and she had to slap a hand across her mouth to muffle her sobs.

Had she looked outside at that moment, she would have seen Roger staring at her door guiltily and Mimi gesturing him towards it. She would have seen Mark entering the apartment and casting questioning looks at Mimi.

But she didn't look and so she was very much taken aback when the door suddenly opened and strong arms wrapped around her. She looked up, hoping that it was Roger. It was Mark, however, and over his shoulder, Leni saw Roger leaving, with Mimi hissing at him angrily.

And she knew the days to come would be hell.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

**_To add to the collection, reviewers will receive a Mark action figure with blue-and-white scarf, fully functional camera and relationship issues! _**


	9. Almost believing

A/N: Ok, I think this is the longest chapter yet. It has somewhat of an 'The end'-feel to it, but believe me, it's not over yet. Nowhere near over, in fact.

THANKS THANKS THANKS to my reviewers! I _love_ reviews, and, as you can see, they inspire me to write faster! I'm glad you like this story and I hope you'll continue to like it! Have fun with chapter nine!

* * *

Chapter 9 

Leni gently extracted herself from Mark's arms and wiped at her overflowing eyes. Mimi, finally finished with yelling after Roger, came to join them and crouched down next to her roommate.

"I'm sorry, guys," Leni told them, "I just… break down constantly lately."

"That's okay," Mark assured her, "You're worried and hurt, nobody can blame you for crying."

"It's my own fucking fault I'm worried, though," Leni replied bitterly.

Mimi wrapped her slender arms around Leni and stroked her hair.

Mark got to his feet. "I'll see about knocking some sense into Roger. I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?"

He ruffled Leni's hair, gave Mimi a kiss on the cheek –to his own surprise– and left, before either girl could notice the crimson blush on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry you had to come home to something like this," Leni said, her voice sounding muffled since her face was buried in Mimi's hair.

"Shush," Mimi said and smiled, "forget regret!"

* * *

Roger sat on the couch, his guitar on his lap, but he wasn't playing. He stared at the instrument with a forlorn expression on his face. As Mark entered the loft, however, and stood in front of his roommate, hands at his hips, the musician became defensive immediately. 

"Don't even start, Mark, I'm sick of people yelling at me all the time. What happened wasn't my fault!"

"Yeah, Roger. Enjoying the feeling?"

Roger's gaze snapped up to meet Mark's.

"What?"

"Well, it's what you do best. Be hurt, be the wronged one, the guy Mimi cheated on, the one Leni lied to… It doesn't work that way! You can't always throw away relationships when they get a little rougher!" Mark told him firmly.

Roger set aside the guitar and got to his feet. "Some relationship! Three weeks in which all she did was tell me shit I can't even believe. Why are you trying to turn me into the villain here? **She **lied to **me**!"

Mark looked him dead in the eye and said two words.

"Poor baby!"

Roger swallowed dryly. He remembered, of course, when he had said that to Mark, right before leaving for Santa Fe, when he had accused him of hiding behind his camera and Mark had retaliated by saying that it was, perhaps, because he was he one of them to survive. Roger had never really understood that.

"You know," Mark began, seeing that Roger wasn't going to answer, "how hard it is for me to see what you're throwing away? You have a chance at happiness, but you just don't use it. You had Mimi, you pushed her away, now there's Leni, who obviously is crazy about you, and you push her away."

"Oh, stop preaching, Mark," Roger snapped. "As if you knew what you're talking about! You haven't even had a date since Maureen dumped you; I don't think you're an authority on relationship issues."

"I observe," Mark stated calmly, "and I learn by watching you fuck up time and again."

"Oh, fuck off, Mark!" Roger sat back down heavily and looked away from Mark.

"I'm your friend, Rog," the filmmaker said gently, "and I'm only trying to help you. I'm mad she lied to you, and, again, I'm not saying to just forget it ever happened. Fine, let it cool off for a couple of days, but then, will you just talk to her?"

Roger sighed heavily. "Fine."

* * *

Leni had taken off work for the next week. She couldn't concentrate on anything and spent most of her time looked in her bedroom, only coming out whenever Mark, Mimi or Collins managed to persuade her to eat a bite. 

Joanne and Maureen had returned from the trip to Miami. Originally, they had planned on coming over to the loft for a party, but Mark had called them and explained the situation, therefore, celebration had been postponed.

Maureen came over one afternoon. Mimi opened the door for her and the two friends hugged for a long moment.

"I'm so glad you're back," Maureen said, a silly grin on her face and hugged Mimi close one more time. "I had almost thought I'd never see you again."

Then she approached Leni's bedroom door.

"Hey, honey," she called and knocked, "it's Mo. Come on, open up. I've got so much gossip to share, you wouldn't believe some of it, I'm sure…"

The door opened slowly and Leni peered out at her friend.

"Hey Mo," she said quietly, "don't you hate me?"  
Maureen smiled sadly. "I don't hate you, little one. I'm disappointed, but I'm really not the one to judge other people." She saw that Leni wore her light jacket and had a bag slung over her shoulder. "You going somewhere?"

Leni nodded and bit her bottom lip. "The… the hospital. They called earlier, they have my results and want me to come pick them up."

Mimi had heard her as well, and a worried expression clouded her pretty features. "Do you want one of us to go with you?"

Her roommate shook her head. "No, I need to do this alone. After all," she mustered a small smile, "it might not be so bad after all. A nurse told me, that there is only a… a one percent chance of getting infected. I don't necessarily have to be the unlucky one out of one hundred, right?"

"That's the spirit," Maureen said bracingly and punched her shoulder lightly. "Meems and I will be waiting for you right here, ok?"

Leni nodded, took a deep breath and headed for the door.

Mimi watched her go and then turned back to stirring the soup that was simmering in a large pot on the stove.

"I don't like it, that she's going there alone," Maureen announced.

"Neither do I," Mimi agreed, "but we can't force her to take someone with her. If only Roger would stop giving her the silent treatment…"

Maureen sat down on the couch. She normally enjoyed watching other people do housework, but she had different things on her mind. "You know," she mused, "Leni is my friend, she's a nice kid, but I can understand that Roger is pissed off as all hell."

* * *

Leni hated hospitals. She hated the bright light, the white walls and the smell, a mixture of medicine, urine, unwashed bodies, antiseptic soap and laundry detergent. Most of all, she hated the dreary atmosphere, the hopelessness one was forced to inhale with every breath of hospital air. 

She approached the nurse at the reception desk, who gave her a polite smile.

"M…my name is Elena Hollis," she introduced herself, "I'm here to pick up my HIV test results…"

The nurse consulted a flip chart in front of her and then directed her to an office a few doors down. "Don't worry too much," she added as she saw how much Leni trembled and her smile became genuine, "Whatever happens, you always have options."

The young woman nodded and attempted to return the smile. Then she headed towards the white door to find out about her fate.

* * *

Mimi had prepared some coffee for her and Maureen. The door to the apartment stood open, since they wanted to hear Leni before she actually entered, in order to be there for her immediately. 

They looked up from their conversation when they saw Mark poke his head in through the open door and asked, "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Mimi invited him and smiled. She was glad he had come. Mark always emanated a calming air and right now, he was the most level-headed in the entire group.

"Hi, Maureen," he greeted his ex-girlfriend, who blew him a kiss. Mimi got to her feet and hugged him tightly. "Leni's at the hospital to get her results," she told him. He nodded. "I figured. I saw her leave earlier."

The telephone rang and Mimi let go off Mark at once to lunge for the receiver.

"Hello?… Yes, she's here… Do you want to… Yeah, I'll tell her. Bye!"

She hung up and turned to Maureen. "That was Joanne. I'm supposed to remind you that there's an important dinner with one of Jo's clients and if you don't hurry your ass home right now, you're going to be late!"

Maureen checked her watch and swore loudly. "SHIT! Ok, I gotta go. Tell Leni I'm sorry I couldn't wait!"

She picked up her jacket and all but ran out the door.  
Mimi watched her go with a smile. "Joanne has really domesticated her," she observed. Mark nodded and grinned. "Yeah, I think they really want it to last this time."

The two of them sat back down and Mark shifted awkwardly.

"So… it's just us."

"Yeah," Mimi nodded, "We never spend enough time together, Marky."

He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you wanted to spend time with me. I always… I dunno…" He broke off.

"You what?" Mimi prodded gently. "For once, Mark, just say what you think."

"You're Roger's ex-girlfriend, why would you want to spend time with me?" he asked instead. Mimi shrugged. "Perhaps because I realise that I don't know you as well as I know the others? And I want to change that?"

"Oh."   
He could have sworn she was flirting with him, but before he could mull over that further, they heard hurried footsteps on the stairs.

They moved closer to the door, but already Leni came barrelling past them, throwing her bag on the floor and disappearing in the bathroom.  
They heard the lock snap.

"Leni," Mark called cautiously, but he received no reply.

Instead, they heard muffled screams; she had probably clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Leni, come on!" Mark called, more loudly this time, however, he was again met with only sobs and cries of terror.

"I'm calling Roger," Mimi announced and dashed out the door.

On the stairs, Mimi yelled, "**Roger! Help!**"

It only took a moment, before the loft door opened and the musician came out into the hallway, a questioning look on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Leni just came back from the hospital, she's looked herself in the bathroom and she won't answer, she only cries…"

For a horrible moment, Roger's mental eye saw pictures of April, floating in pink water, eyes glassy and open, staring at the ceiling sightlessly. His straight razor in a crimson puddle on the floor and the message on the mirror: We've got AIDS!

"Come _on_," Mimi pleaded and Roger ran down the stairs, pushed past Mimi and stormed into the apartment.

"Leni," he shouted and pounded on the bathroom door.

Mark, meanwhile, had picked up Leni's discarded bag and taken a peek inside.

His suspicions were confirmed. There was a very familiar orange pill bottle inside and a folded sheet of paper, which he didn't even have to look at to know her test result. He held them up mutely, so Mimi could see what he had found. She sighed and shook her head sadly.

Roger's patience, meanwhile, had run out. He took a step back and kicked the door. The weak wood splintered after the first impact of his boot.

He rushed inside and saw Leni sitting on the floor next to the bathtub, knees drawn up to her chest, her face and sleeve wet with tears. Her eyes darted back and forth between Roger and the ruined door. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak.

"Are you insane?" she croaked.

Roger let out a sigh of relief to find her alive.  
"I had one girlfriend kill herself over her diagnosis," he said gruffly, "I couldn't let that happen again."

Leni got to her feet, channelling some of her fear into anger.

"Yeah, well, last I checked I wasn't your girlfriend anymore. You told me to 'fuck off', remember? So what do you care?"

He grabbed her shoulders and shook her a little. "Do you honestly think I don't care about you, Leni? My god…"

She put her hands on his chest and pushed roughly. "Get _off_, Roger!"

Although she wasn't very strong, she succeeded in pushing him away a little. His gaze softened. "Do you really want me to leave?" he asked gently. "Wouldn't you rather I held you now?"

Those words broke Leni. She collapsed against his chest, all her strength seeping out of her, along with her tears which soaked through his shirt as he held her close, a hand buried in her hair, the other one caressing her back.  
Leni clung to him, her hands gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly.

Mark sighed. He saw that Mimi had tears in her eyes and so he wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. The dancer flung her arms around him, and after a moment of shock, Mark returned the embrace.

Leni was oblivious to anything but Roger's arms around her and his soft, deep voice in her ear, telling her, "You'll be alright. I got you, baby."

And for a moment, she almost believed it.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

**_Review please! Reviewers will receive an Angel action figure, including drumsticks, pickle tub, wig and words of wisdom! _**


	10. In love with someone I can't have

A/N: (does the Oh-my-god-reviews-I'm-so-happy-dance) I love you guys! See how fast I can update if you keep feeding me reviews like that??? Keep 'em coming, please! Especially with this sub-plot I'm trying to weave in here, tell me how you like it! Enjoy the chapter and have fun with the action figures!

* * *

Chapter 10 

Leni was asleep. She had cried for two hours straight, tears subsiding only for a few moments before they would gather in her eyes again. Roger had held her, until she had finally drifted off to sleep. He had carried her to her bedroom, laid her down on the mattress and pulled off her shoes.

Then he joined the others in the living room again. Mimi sat on the couch, head in her hands, and Mark stood off to the side, hands twitching nervously, longing for a camera to fiddle with and to hide behind.

Roger flopped down onto the couch next to Mimi and sighed deeply. "Fuck!"

The other two couldn't help but agree.

"I'm gonna go upstairs," Mark announced, "and call the others, tell them what happened… maybe Leni wants to talk to them herself, but perhaps Maureen will throw one of her crying fits when she first finds out, and I don't want Leni to see that right now. She doesn't need more drama."

Roger nodded and the filmmaker headed out the door.

"I should probably…" Roger began, but didn't finish the sentence. He didn't know what to do.

"She's going to need you very much," Mimi told him. He cast her a questioning glance. "Do you mind at all?" he asked. "Me and Leni, I mean."  
The dancer shifted for a moment, then she shrugged and shook her head at the same time. "Not really. I hoped you'd move on and find somebody who'd be good for you. I know I'm moving on."

The silence was deafening.

"You know I still love you," the musician finally said. "Shit, how do I even know I want to be with Leni? I don't want to stay with her because I got her sick, I want to be with her because I want to. And right now, I'm not sure about that."

Mimi got up, picked up the coffee mugs and carried them over to the sink.

Roger could tell from her clenched jaw that she was angry at him. She cast a quick look at the closed door to Leni's bedroom and then motioned for Roger to join her in the hallway. With a sigh, he followed her out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Let's make this real simple, Roger," Mimi said firmly, "I don't want you back. And I'm sure you don't want me back, either. Leni needs you to be there for her! I don't care whether or not you get back together with her or whether you just want to be her friend right now, but if you turn from her now, you might as well kill her."

Roger held up his hands defensively.

"I wasn't going to disappear off the face of the earth," he snapped back, "I'm just… this isn't easy for me. Fuck, I can't even deal with myself, and now I'm supposed to be responsible for a little girl, too?"

Mimi raised her eyebrows. "You slept with that 'little girl', so you might want to pick a term that makes you sound less like a paedophile!"

Roger looked at her with an expression of heartfelt disgust and agreed, "You're right, that is really sick. Ew. But she seemed really young earlier."

"She's as old as I am. Twenty-one. But she comes from this really sheltered background. They learn about HIV in school and that's it. It never gets close to them." She gave her ex-boyfriend a playful little shove. "You were a little much for her, you know. This whole 'brooding rock star'-deal blew her away."

Roger grinned and, picking up on her teasing, tossed his hair arrogantly. "What can I say," he chirruped, "I'm irresistible." Then he grew sombre again. "I'm sorry for… just now, Meems. I dunno. Seeing you like that again, out of the blue… was a little strange. And I've not been thinking straight these past couple of days."

"I believe you," Mimi told him, "and it's fine, as long as you realise that you and me are over and that you need to get your feelings for Leni straightened out." She stretched. A few joints in her back popped. "I'm gonna head upstairs and shove some dinner down Mark's throat. You coming?"  
Roger recognized the test. "Naw," he said with a wink, "I think I better stay with my girl until she wakes up. Don't want her to be alone."

* * *

Mark had left the loft door open for Roger, so Mimi could just walk in without knocking. 

Mark had finished making phone calls, and was now sitting on the window seat, camera in hand and capturing the first moments of sunset.

"And pan to the rooftop across the street," he narrated, unaware of Mimi's presence, "behind which the sun is settling on another bad day in Alphabet City. Leni has been diagnosed with HIV. She's terrified and I hope to God that Roger knows how to take care of her. If he doesn't, I know who he'll run to." He sighed and turned the camera in his hands so it was pointing at himself. "Pan around to Mark Cohen, the emotion-sponge. Just soaking up everything around him and not letting anything out. Fuck! I'm gonna explode one of these days!"

He sighed once more, and stopped the camera. Suddenly, he noticed Mimi and flinched. "You heard?"

"Every word!"

The dancer rushed over to him and knelt on the floor next to him. She took the camera out of his hands and placed it on the ground, grabbed Mark's hands and squeezed them. "For once, Mark Cohen," she implored him, "just tell me how you feel."

He stared down into her big, chocolate-coloured eyes and felt something inside him break.

"I feel…," he said softly, "I'm jealous of Roger. I hate having to see him hurt himself. I feel sorry for Leni. I'm glad I'm over Maureen and I'm… I'm in love with someone I can't have."

He saw the question flicker in his eyes, quickly replaced by understanding.

"Oh," she said softly, "but why can't you have her?"

"Because," he answered, still clinging to the pretension that he was talking about someone else, "I'm not her type. She dated… someone a lot like my best friend and I don't fit into that category."

"Maybe," Mimi argued, careful not to let Mark break away from her gaze, "she's moved on from that. Maybe she doesn't go for the bad boys anymore, but wants someone she can rely on? Someone who was always there for her when she needed him? Someone…" she smiled a little, "someone she never really thanked for being there for her at a tough time when her bad boy-boyfriend left her."

Mark felt the oddest sensation in his chest, as if his heart was expanding a little, taking its own deep breath of relief. He place a hand on either side of Mimi's face and drew her close and then his lips were touching hers, a feather-light kiss, just a tiny touch. She responded immediately, her lips moving with his, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. He drew her closer, gently probing her mouth with his tongue and when a low moan escaped her throat, all coherent thought seemed to leave him and it was all about kissing her.

_Mimi… kissing Mimi… _

Memories, mental pictures of her and Roger hit him like a sledgehammer. Memories of them hugging, kissing, of her sitting on his lap, both looking just so goofy happy…

He broke the kiss and let go of her. The pain of falling for her had been less intense when he had seen her and Roger happy, his best friend and the girl he cared about. So what about now? He had seen them a couple of days ago, hugging like there was no tomorrow. Wouldn't Roger want her back? Wouldn't she eventually choose the cool rock singer, no matter how unreliable and moody he was? Which girl wouldn't choose Roger over his scrawny sidekick, who hid behind his camera and who hadn't even been able to keep Maureen interested in his _gender_?

"I'm sorry…" he said and got to his feet, "I can't do this!"

Mimi stood up as well, embarrassed and hurt. "I thought it's what you wanted?" she asked, confused.

But Mark's moment of open honesty had passed and his emotional shield was back up the moment his hands held his beloved camera again.

"I can't do this," he repeated, not meeting her eyes. "Goodnight, Mimi!"

* * *

Roger was sitting on the couch in Leni's and Mimi's apartment, dozing off now and again. He was really tired, but he was hesitant about just going into Leni's room and sleeping in one bed with her. 

_Do I want to be with her? _

His mind kept posing that question, over and over again. Finally, he imagined what the situation would have been like if she hadn't lied, if her story had been true from the beginning. He would still be with her, no question about that. Mimi would have come back anyway, but it wouldn't have shaken him up quite so badly.

_What's keeping me from her?_  
Doubt. Uncertainty about whether or not he could trust her now.

He groaned and leaned back on the couch, his eyelids drooping.

He was jolted awake a moment later, however, when Mimi stormed into the apartment. She barely glanced at him before growling, "I hate men!" and disappearing into her bedroom.

Roger stared after her, perplexed. As far as he knew, he hadn't screwed up anything else, so her rage must have been directed at another human being of the male gender, probably Mark.

A tiny portion of his sleep-fogged brain was wondering what in the world his friend might have done to bring the 'unholy wrath of Mimi' down upon him, but a larger part was just insisting on finding a more comfortable place to sleep than this couch.

His mind made up, he padded over to Leni's bedroom door and opened it gently. To his surprise, she wasn't even asleep.

She sat upright on her bed, her eyes wide open and her tightly hunched form shivering sporadically. It wasn't cold in the room.

"What is it, Leni?" Roger asked gently. He sat down on the mattress beside her.

"I woke up," she replied, her voice scratchy from crying, "and I just can't go back to sleep. I'm so… so _fucking scared_…" she pressed her left hand against her mouth tightly.

"Hey!" He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

She nodded and folded her blanket back for him.

A slightly wicked thought crossed Roger's mind. "I'm not sleeping in my clothes," he announced, and promptly proceeded to pull his shirt over his head. He took his time with it, too, and then proceeded to make quite a show out of unbuttoning his plaid pants and slipping out of them, taking the socks along with them.  
Leni watched quietly, although he could see her eyes bulging ever so slightly. He finished off his little show by pulling off his undershirt, twirling it over his head and sending it zooming through the air to land on a lampshade.

Leni burst out laughing, and Roger joined her a moment later. He crawled unto the mattress with her and tugged at her blouse.

"You're still dressed," he admonished her gently and was rewarded with a cocky, if slightly shaky, smile. "And you object to that?" she asked.

He kissed her cheek, trailed his lips down her neck and back up to her lips before replying, "Very much so."

She giggled and let him help her out of her pants and blouse, but then reached for her nightgown and pulled it on. They both knew it was not the right moment to go any further.  
Finally, they had settled under the blankets comfortably, with Roger's arms securely around her. He waited until the rhythm of her breathing told him she was asleep before drifting off himself, feeling a sense of accomplishment at having calmed her down.

_I think I finally understand why Mark gets such a kick out of being there for others._

He didn't know, of course, that while Leni might be sleeping soundly in his arms, Mimi and Mark were both very much awake and neither of them found the peace of mind to settle down for the night.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

**_I just had to include that little Roger-strip-scene. Yummy. Ok, reviewers for this chapter receive a Collins action figure, accessories including beanie, leather coat and anarchistic ideas! (and of course lots of love for mini-Angel)_**


	11. The perfect answer

A/N: And here's chapter 11! This is a fluffy one, I hope you don't mind. Also, I'd like to thank BroadwayBabe32 for pointing out my mistake in chapter 2, I fixed it. THANKS TO MY REVIEWERS, you guys are amazing!

Just a quick note on Leni's character: She _hates_ drugs, with a passion. Her best friend used to be a junkie, so, for a kid growing up in a sheltered neighbourhood, she knows quite a lot about them. No matter how many problems she has, she'd never start using. (She lied when she told Roger about shooting up.) I'm just saying this because it has been pointed out to me that it could be a good plot idea to have Leni get addicted to smack. Technically, that would be a nice twist, but it's not going to happen. Sorry.

* * *

Chapter 11 

Leni decided that she had seen far too much of the toilet from this angle, as she once more knelt in front of it, retching and coughing.

Roger knelt next to her, patiently rubbing her back, and told her that it was a normal reaction to the AZT before her body had adjusted to the medication.

"Lovely," she said weakly and cleaned herself up. "Well, I'm certainly not gaining any weight at the moment."

"I've got some herbal tea stuff that should help with the nausea, back from when I got sick. I'll get it for you," Roger told her, "You just go back to bed or sit down or something. You're bound to feel a little queasy."

He left the apartment and climbed the stairs to the loft. To his surprise, Mark was already awake and furiously stirring something in a bowl.

"What the hell are you doing?" Roger asked him.

"I'm making pancakes," was the reply, "or… sludge… which is going to become pancakes, if we're lucky. You can ask the girls if they want some."

Roger fished the tea out of a kitchen cabinet and deliberately ignored the mouldy something-or-other lurking in the semi-dark behind it. He took a seat on the metal counter and watched Mark for another moment. "So what did you do to piss Mimi off? Must have been something if you're trying to make up for it with your culinary skills."

Mark cast him a withering glance. "I'll ignore the sarcasm in that last sentence, thank you! And… I didn't do anything."

The musician knew for a fact that that was a lie, but didn't pursue it further, since he knew that Leni was waiting for the tea.

* * *

When he arrived at the downstairs apartment again, she was on the phone and motioned for him to come over and sit beside her on the couch before turning her attention back to the person she was speaking to. 

"Yes… you know I wouldn't miss it. … Please, as if that's my fault! You know I would have… Yeah, well, tell Dad to keep his mouth shut, then! … This is NOT a phase. … Oh, and I might not be coming alone, either. … If you can believe it. … Yes, I'll see you then. Tell her I said hi."

She hung up and took a deep breath.

"Who was that?" Roger asked, amused by her expression.

"My mother…" Leni groaned, "and she wants me to come next weekend. It's my sister's birthday party and I can't miss it. I already missed her graduation and it'll take me a lot of sucking up to make her forget about that."

"How old will she get?"

"She got 17 back in February but she's only now celebrating, because she wanted to have a party in the backyard, you know, with the swimming pool and shit like that… what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Well," he said and shrugged, "I'm just wondering why you would give that up to live in a place like this."

Leni cleared her throat and took a more comfortable position, "I didn't really get along with my dad, who is the least artistic human being in the world. So he didn't really get that I wanted to paint, even though that might not pay the bills. They think that me moving out here and cutting myself off is a," she mimicked little quotation marks with her fingers, "'rebellious post-puberty phase', and boy, are they gonna be surprised!" She picked up her bag, pulled out her wallet and from it, she took a photo. "That's my sister Jessica. It really hurt her that I left, we were quite close."

Roger took the photo. It showed a girl, approximately sixteen years old, in a ballet tutu, a brilliant smile on her face. Her hair was lighter than Leni's and without the reddish tint to it, more like a wheat colour. Her eyes, from what he could see, were similar to Leni's, but she had a dancer's figure, lithe and slender.

"When you said you might not be going alone," he asked slowly, "I hope you were thinking about Mimi? Because I'm not the type of guy you want to present to your parents."

Leni rolled her eyes and grabbed the coffee mug on the table, fingers tapping nervously on the rim. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't ask you to come with me!" she said firmly, although the tap-tapping on the cup betrayed her nervousness, "Not while our relationship… whatever we are… is as fucked up as it is. But I'm really frightened right now, and I don't know how I'll continue to react to the AZT and shit… I just want someone there who understands what I'm going through with that. I would ask Mimi, but my mom is going to ask about you anyway. I told her when we started dating, she doesn't even know we stopped."

They glared at each other for a while, the intimacy of the past night forgotten. Then Roger shrugged, admitting defeat. "Fine, whatever. Why don't you wake Mimi and come up for breakfast. Mark is attempting to make pancakes."

He got up and walked out the loft while Leni called after him, "Yes, daddy."

He turned and flipped her off, grinning. "Careful, or Daddy might have to spank your ass!"

She wiggled her eyebrows. "Ooh, kinky!"

He laughed and left, the door closing behind him with a dull thud and the smile slid from Leni's face like melting snow from a rooftop.

She _hated_ silence. Silence, only broken by the soft ticking of a clock or the occasional car passing outside. And then there was her heartbeat, which thundered in her ears when there was nothing to drown it out. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, she couldn't help but listen to it. Listen to it, while remembering that sometime in the not-very-far future, it would stop beating.

Leni felt panic setting in and quickly got up off the couch and headed for Mimi's bedroom door. Before she had reached it, Mimi came out herself, still in her pyjamas, her hair tousled.

"You guys were making a racket…" she complained, but smiled nonetheless. "They way you were carrying on, you must be dating again."

Leni shook her head sadly. "I don't know what we are. Maybe I'll know after this weekend, though. He coming to my parents' with me, for my sister's birthday party. Right now, I think we're… friends."

"With benefits?" Mimi asked, grinning.

* * *

Mark's pancakes actually turned out to be quite good, but the atmosphere in the loft was tense, at best. Leni and Roger were joking around, but the laughter was forced. Leni's attention was less on what she was eating, since she had to concentrate hard on not throwing up, and more on the beeper on her belt. _  
Stupid thing. Who gave you the authority to count down the remainder of my life?_

"Earth to Leni," Roger said and waved a hand in front of her face.

"Huh? What? I kinda spaced out there a little," she replied.

"No shit. I asked when we'd have to be there. At your sister's whatever."

"Her birthday party, and we have to be there on Saturday, around noon. Look, if you really don't want to, you don't have to come with me."

Roger shrugged, mumbled something along the lines of, "s'okay" and turned back to his stack of pancakes.

Mimi and Mark had yet to say a word to each other. Their eyes were fixed on their plates and now and again, Mark would steal a glance at the dancer before quickly looking away again.

Ordinarily, Leni would have noticed and said something to her friends. With her being distracted and Roger oblivious to anything but the contents of his plate, however, the silence continued.

* * *

"Oh my God, it's beautiful!" Mimi gushed as she looked at a painting on the easel in Leni's room. The canvas showed a scene from "The Nutcracker", Jessica's favourite ballet. Personally, Leni wasn't quite happy with the way the painting had turned out. The colours were too bright and the faces too cheerful, they looked like dolls or masks. 

She took it off the easel and wrapped it in a newspaper. It was her gift for Jessica.

"Thanks, Meems," she said to her friend, "I'm hoping that Jess will let herself be bribed."

"Oh, sure," Mimi said bracingly and helped Leni put the canvas into a large plastic bag. Just as she left, Roger came into the room.

"Leni, we have to go!" he told her and pointed at the clock on her nightstand. "We have a bus to catch."

"And we'll make it," Leni assured him with a smile. "Jeez, one could almost think you were nervous."

"Yeah, sure."

"Don't worry," she said and put a hand on his arm, "My parents will love you. I know I do."

It had been the wrong thing to say and she noticed it immediately by the way he tensed and turned away from her. Still, it was too late to take it back.

"I love you," she said again, and finally, he returned her gaze. His reply was disappointing, but expected.

"We have to go."

* * *

Mark and Mimi saw them to the door. The goodbye was strained and hurried. Leni refused to meet Roger's gaze and twisted out of his grasp when he tried to put an arm around her shoulders. Sensing that she was behaving unfairly, she gave him a strained little smile. "I'm sorry, Roger, I just… I need to think a little. I don't want to my parents to realize how badly I fucked up already." 

"What do you mean?"

She snorted. "What do you think? 'Hi guys, you know how I moved out about three months ago? Well, in the meantime I managed to find a guy I totally fell for, lie to him, fuck up the relationship and get HIV. What's new with you?' I don't think that would go over too well. 'Oh, and by the way, Mommy, Roger and I aren't dating anymore, he's just pretending because I can't let go!"  
"Christ, Leni!" Roger stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. Leni took a few more steps before she realized he wasn't following. People were rushing past them.

"What is it, Roger? We have a bus to catch, remember?"

"Do you want to try again?"

She stared at him, utterly confused. "What?"

"I'm pissed off you lied to me. But, hell, I wasn't always a saint, either. I think you know how stupid you were, and you're paying the price. So, since I take it you still want me…" He took a few steps closer and took her hands. "I'm not so good at pretending."  
"Roger…" she smiled up at him, tears filling her eyes and a few escaped and ran down her cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumb. "Aw, come on, baby. Quit the waterworks and give me a kiss."

* * *

Mark had been left in the loft with Mimi. Trying to avoid a conversation, he busied himself with cleaning up the mess they had left after having breakfast together again. The pancakes from a couple of days ago had made quite an impression and Roger had insisted that Mark should cook more often. 

When he tried to retrieve more dishes from the table, Mimi blocked his way.

"We're alone," she stated, "so I figured maybe now you could tell me what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know what you want, Mimi," Mark said weakly.

"I want to know why you have been avoiding me like the plaque since we kissed," she said firmly and crossed her arms in front of her chest, "and don't give me any of this 'I'm not your type'-bullshit. I can decide what my type is, thank you."

Mark closed his mouth again, since he had been about to use that very same argument. "I just… It wouldn't work." He squeezed past her and picked up the plates. Mimi knocked them out of his hand and they crashed to the floor.

Mark stared, flabbergasted. "Lucky those are plastic." He realized how pathetic he sounded and mentally kicked himself. "Look, Mimi, I don't want… pity sex or whatever from you. And I'm not so delusional to think that you would… that a girl like you would actually want to be with a guy like me!"

Mimi wanted to scream in frustration, but instead vented in the next best way: she slapped Mark.

"That's for thinking I would offer pity sex," she declared, "and I would smack you again for degrading yourself, but I don't want to knock you around. I don't do that with boyfriends. And that's what I want you to be!"

The filmmaker felt an insane grin spread across his face and cautiously wrapped his arms around the young dancer.

"Why?" he couldn't help but ask. Mimi shrugged and snuggled closer into his embrace. "Because you're sweet, you're cute, you're… actually pretty sexy, in a geeky way and," she plucked the glasses off, "you have really pretty eyes. I can't explain it any other way. Why do people fall in love? What do you see in me?"

He kissed her gently and replied, "I see Mimi."

It was the perfect answer.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**Yay! One relationship that works… or does it? Review please! In return you shall receive a Mimi action figure with matching handcuffs, leopard-print coat and lust for life! **_


	12. Meet the parents

A/N: Wow, the chapters just get longer and longer! I'm not sure I'm happy with how this one turned out, though. It seems a bit pointless now, but it sets the stage for something important later in the story, so bear with the apparent random-ness, please! Tell me how you liked it, too!

* * *

Chapter 12 

"Good God, there they are already!" Leni had her nose pressed against the bus window as the station came into view. Her parents had promised to pick them up there, but Leni had hoped they would be a little late, in order to give her time to prepare before seeing them again. To return to her childhood home after three months which seemed like a lifetime would be a very strange experience.

The bus had come to a halt and Roger had taken their duffel bags out of the luggage rack. She adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder and headed for the exit. Behind her, she heard Roger mutter, "Let the games begin."

Leni's mother was a friendly-looking woman, slightly taller than her daughter and with a somewhat tubby figure. Her hair was the same colour as Leni's and set in rigid curls, contrasting harshly with the casual flower-print summer dress she wore. Her father, on the other hand, was tall and seemed to be in very good shape. Mr. Hollis had very clear blue eyes, greying hair and was clean shaven. He wore lose fitting slacks and a polo shirt and kept one hand on her mother's shoulder, as if to prevent her from bouncing up and down excitedly.

As soon as Leni had gotten off the bus, Mrs. Hollis ran to her and enveloped her in a crushing hug.

"Oh, my baby girl!" she half-sobbed, half-said into Leni's shoulder, "I'm so glad you're home!"

"Mom…" Leni said, sounding as if she had heard this a million times before, "I've only been gone three months, I'm only back for the weekend and I'm not the baby. Ok?"  
"Sure, honey," her mother replied and let go off her, eyes glistening with moisture. Her father took over in hugging his daughter, though the embrace was much quicker. "Hello, sweetie," he said and then looked expectantly at his daughter, waiting for her to introduce the young man she had come with.

"Oh, yes," Leni began, pulling Roger forward a little, "Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Roger. These are my parents, Edward and Andrea Hollis."

"Nice to meet you, sir, …ma'am," Roger greeted them politely and shook hands with Leni's father and mother.

Edward didn't seem taken aback by the chain on Roger's jeans or his pierced ears. He was glad his daughter's boyfriend had a firm handshake and knew how to behave. Andrea, on the other hand, sniffed a little at Roger's appearance before turning her attention back to Leni.

"Baby girl, have you gotten thin? You're not eating enough, I'm sure!"

Leni rolled her eyes and grabbed Roger's hand, pulling him towards the car her parents had parked at the curb.

"I'm not thin and I'm eating enough," she tossed over her shoulder. Roger gave her hand a sympathetic squeeze and thought longingly of his guitar and the crappy couch in the loft.

* * *

The Hollis' house was a white two-story building, fulfilling every cliché it could have. There was even a white picket fence. Rhododendron bushes were in full bloom and the lawn was neatly kept. The backyard was cut from view by another fence, this one about six feet tall, made of light wood and painted dark green. 

They got out of the car. Mr. Hollis insisted on carrying both their bags. Leni once more sought Roger's hand for support. They walked a short distance behind her parents, so he felt safe enough to ask quietly, "Do you wish you'd never left?"

She smiled at him, shook her head and kissed him quickly.

On the inside, the house was nicely furnished, mostly in bright colours and light wood.

Leni barely had time to take a look around and note that nothing, absolutely nothing, had changed in the past three months, when a shrieking someone hit her in a headfirst collision. "LENI!" that someone squealed and threw slender arms around the young woman's neck, in something somewhere between a hug and a stranglehold.

"Jessica," Leni panted and peeled her sister's arms back from around her neck, "I'm glad to see you, too, but please don't kill me!"

Roger found that Leni's sister hadn't changed much since the photograph he knew of her had been taken. She didn't look much younger than Leni, possibly because she was about three inches taller than her older sister and slimmer.

Jessica had just spotted Roger and stopped her squealing and jumping immediately. "Oh…," she said softly, and nudged her sister none-too-gently.

"Ouch! Oh, yeah, that's my sister Jessica; Jess, meet Roger, my boyfriend."

"_Very _nice to meet you," Jessica cooed, obviously quite taken with him.

"Yeah, you too," Roger said shortly and sent Leni a quick look which she interpreted correctly as a cry for help.

"Mom," she called to her mother, "we'll dump our stuff in my room, 'kay?"

"Yes, sweetie, but… will the two of you be sharing that, uh, the…"

"The bed, Mom?" Leni asked Andrea, who blushed, "Yeah, we will. We're," she was about to say 'used to it', but that would be unnecessarily pushing her mother's buttons, so instead she said, "we're both adults."

* * *

Leni's room looked, as she had expected, exactly the same way she had left it. There was her bed, her favourite blue spread on it, a few teddy bears. Next to it was a bookcase, overstuffed with books, some of which dated back to her third grade. Her desk wasn't cluttered anymore as it used to have been while she was still in school, but there were still the same pens in the cup. 

Roger dumped the duffle bags unceremoniously on the floor next to the bed and flopped down onto the mattress, exhausted beyond measure.

"Come on, you can't give up already," Leni pleaded with him and went down on her knees next to the mattress, putting her head on the pillow next to his.

"Your family is going to give me caries before the weekend is over," he informed her without opening his eyes.

"Please, Rog," she said and sat upright again, "I swear, they're not always that sickly sweet!"

He opened his eyes with a reluctant grumble and turned to face her. A smile pulled at the corner of his lips.

"You know," he said and reached out to twirl one of her curls around his fingers, "I somehow like that view… you on your knees…"

She laughed and slapped his arm. "You're a dirty minded creature," she admonished him mockingly and leaned over to kiss him. He grabbed her hair and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. She had just crawled onto the bed with him when the door slammed open.

"Leni, could you please… OH my God!"

"**Jessica**," Leni yelled angrily, hastily getting to her feet and smoothing down her hair, "you _never_ knock, we've had had this discussion a million times."

"I'm sorry," her sister said meekly and tried her best to look innocent. "I just wanted to ask if you could help in the kitchen. My guests will be arriving in an hour and we are nowhere near done."

Leni sighed exasperatedly. "Jess, I've only just arrived. You couldn't me give a minute, could you?"

"Please," her sister whimpered and batted her eyelashes, "you don't have to help cleaning up tonight and you have the entire day tomorrow to relax!"

Her older sister cast a questioning look at Roger, who shrugged and said, "Don't look at me, baby, I never could say no to a pretty girl!"

That sentence served to make Jessica melt and Leni frown.

* * *

"Does it make me a horrible person if I'm enjoying that we're the only ones in the loft?" Mark asked contently. He was lying on the couch, his head in Mimi's lap. They had just finished a romantic dinner, consisting of Chinese take-out, beer and a single candle burning on a chipped saucer. It had been wonderful. 

Mimi was playing with Mark's hair. "Then we're both horrible," she answered, "since I'm enjoying myself very much here."

Her fingertips brushed Mark's scalp and for a moment, he was close to purring with pleasure.

The phone rang and shocked them both out of their happy daze.

"Shit," Mark swore and sat up, waiting for the answering machine to pick up.

"SPEAK," rang through the loft and Mimi rolled her eyes.

"You guys should really change that sometime!"

"No way," Mark protested, "that message is like a family member."

Mimi laughed and climbed onto his lap. "You're such a cute dork sometimes, Marky!"

He pulled her close and kissed her, tongues colliding and lips caressing each other. Then the caller started speaking.

"Hey Mark, it's Roger… come on, pick up the phone, man!… Ok, I guess you're out filming or whatever. I, uh, just wanted to let you know that we got here alright and… Leni's parents are…" _standing right next to me_ "…really nice people. 'kay, we'll be back sometime tomorrow evening. Say hi to the others, in case you see 'em tonight." He hung up, unaware that hearing his voice had had the same effect on Mimi and Mark as a bucket of cold water poured over their heads might have had.

"Fuck," Mimi mumbled as she climbed off of Mark's lap and straightened her red top.

Mark put his elbows on his knees and let his head fall forward into his open palms.

"This is ridiculous," Mimi finally said. "Why should we be worrying about hurting Roger? It's not like he doesn't have anyone. He and Leni will be fine in no time and then he won't give a damn that we're together."

Mark just looked at her until she lowered her gaze and stared at her feet sheepishly. It wasn't about Roger being jealous because Mimi was with someone new. The problem was that it was _Mark_, who she was in a relationship with. It would mean that Mark wasn't exclusively there for Roger and actually had a life outside the loft. The fact that his significant other was Roger's ex was the final straw in that scenario.

"What are we going to do?" Mark finally asked. Mimi shrugged. "I don't know what you're going to do, Marky, but I'm gonna go downstairs and take a shower. I'd invite you to join me," she smiled sadly, "but I guess we've just realised that we're nowhere near ready for that!"

* * *

Roger hung up the phone and ran a nervous hand through his hair. Hardly ever had he felt so out of place as he did here. 

There were about thirty kids around the age of seventeen lounging around on the various deck-chairs around the garden or clowning around in the pool.

Leni had mingled for a while, but since those people were friends of her sister's, she didn't really have too much to say to any of them.

She took a breath of relief when she saw Roger come out of the house again and was about to make her way over to him, when a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Leni? I hoped I'd see you here!"

She turned around to face the speaker and felt her jaw drop in surprise.

"Allie? What are you doing here?"

Alessandra Santino wrapped her arms around her best friend, who returned the embrace enthusiastically. She couldn't help but notice that the Italian had gotten extremely thin, but at least she was clean.

"How are you, sweetie?" Allie asked, her hands twisting nervously in front of her.

"I'm…" Leni hesitated, but then she smiled, "I'm great! Hey, there's someone I want you to meet! Roger! Come over here a second!"

Roger jogged over to join the two women. His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he looked at Alessandra and noticed her twitchy behaviour.

Leni introduced them to each other, but she was a little taken aback by Allie's sudden lack of interest. She quickly excused herself, claiming that she wanted to say hello to Jessica.

"So that's your best friend." It wasn't so much a question as a statement, but Leni answered anyway.

"Yes, I suppose that's what you'd call her. She's a nice girl, she's just really stressed out at home. You know, she had serious drug issues and she's just gotten clean."

"Mhm… Baby, I think your mother wanted your help with the hot dogs."

He had seen Alessandra go hide behind the garden shed and had a specific idea of what she was about to do. Since Leni cared so much, he didn't want her to see if he really was correct in his suspicion.

* * *

Alessandra's hands were shaking like mad as she pulled the little plastic bag out of her purse and opened it. Just a sniff, that's all it would take for the moment… 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

A hand came seemingly out of nowhere and snatched the bag of white powder out of her grasp. She looked up in shock and saw Leni's boyfriend towering over her, glaring at her as he swung the little bag in front of her eyes.

"You know," he said with forced calm, "ordinarily I wouldn't care that you fuck yourself up, but don't bring this shit here."

"Come on, chill," Alessandra pleaded, "I'm just… I really need some right now, come on… Just a little sniff, that's all…"

Roger hadn't even noticed that his back was still visible from the rest of the backyard, so he was taken by surprise as Leni's mother suddenly called, "What is going on back there?"

She had noticed that Roger was apparently hiding with someone who was clearly not her daughter, since Leni was chatting with Jessica.

Mr. Hollis walked over to the shed and instantly, Alessandra backed into the wooden wall and pointed accusingly at Roger.

"He tried to sell that to me!" she claimed and Edward snatched the little bag of heroin out of his hands.

"What is this… oh my goodness!"

Leni and her mother joined them. The latter shrieked in horror at what her husband held. It was lucky the music was loud enough so that the partying teenagers didn't notice what was going on.

"Young man," Mr. Hollis said sternly, "I want you out of our home, right now! Out of respect for Elena, I will not call the police."

"Dad, I don't think that stuff belongs to Roger," Leni defended him.

"It doesn't!" Roger agreed, but her mother silenced him with an angry wave of her hand.

"Elena, I'm very, very disappointed," she said, sounding as if she was biting back tears.

"So am I," Leni said quietly, her gaze never leaving Alessandra, who had the decency to look ashamed. "Got anything to tell us, Allie?"

* * *

Leni was angrily stuffing her clothes back into the duffel bag. Her mother was standing in the doorframe and tried in vain to convince her daughter to stay. Roger was already waiting outside. 

"Oh, would you just quit it, Mom!" Leni finally burst out. "It was a mistake to even come here. You didn't listen to us for a second! I can't believe… Jeez, how little do you trust me, for Christ's sake! I had to show you Allie's track marks!" Shaking her head in disbelief, she went back to packing.

Her mother opened her mouth a few more times, but she didn't know what else to say, so she left with a whispered, "Goodbye, sweet pea."

Jessica was waiting outside with Roger. She had tried to convince him, but obviously, it had received almost the opposite effect, since the guitarist was already out the garden gate and had taken a seat on the curb.

"You're really leaving?" Jess asked her sister, tears pricking at the back of her eyes. Her party had been a disaster and had ended quite abruptly after the episode with Alessandra.

"Yeah, munchkin. You'll just have to come visit me next time."

They hugged goodbye.

Roger had already started walking and Leni had to run a few steps in order to catch up with him. When she tried to take his hand, he pulled away.

"I knew this was going to get fucked up," he finally said, shortly before they reached the bus station. "You disappointed enough?"

Leni shrugged. "Sure I'm disappointed with how the day turned out. But with you? Never. You were perfect!"

He turned to look at her, surprise written on his face.

"I'm the reason you fought with your parents again."

"No, that's Alessandra's fault. You just make me happy about returning home!"

He grinned, set down his bag and kissed her. The sun was setting behind them and the summer air was perfumed with the scent of flowers wafting from the surrounding gardens. It could have been the perfectly romantic moment, but just as Roger was about to deepen the kiss, two AZT beepers went off at the same time.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**Please review! Mimi and Maureen made cookies, so that's what you're getting in return for reviews! How about that? Chocolate chip cookies, mhmmm…**_


	13. Figuring out love?

A/N: Here I present chapter 13. Again, I'm not sure I'm happy with it, but it had to be written. Tell me how you liked it, please.

* * *

Chapter 13

"I'm going to tell him!"

Mimi turned around from folding laundry to shoot an incredulous look at Mark.

"Are you insane?" she asked him. "Don't you think there's enough going on? Roger has to focus on Leni right now and…"

"Oh, please, Meems," Mark interrupted her and took the freshly laundered shirts out of her hands and sat them down on the bed. "Those are excuses, aren't they? If you don't know whether you really want to be with me then just tell me!"

"No, that's not it!" she protested. "Actually, I have almost the same issues here as Roger does. You know, having fucked up every relationship I've ever been in and so on…"

Mark smiled and pulled her into his arms. He loved the way her lithe body fit against his. "Don't worry," he whispered softly. "Anyway, I'm telling you what I told Roger: it's always best to be open about whatever you're feeling. It worked fine for him."

Mimi nodded against his chest. "If you say so…" she still sounded a little doubtful, but decided to trust her boyfriend on this one.

They broke apart immediately as they heard the apartment door open.

"The hell…?" Mark mumbled and went into the living room, to see Leni standing in the doorframe saying goodnight to Roger. Finally, she shut the door and turned around.

"Hi Mark," she said lightly, as the filmmaker stared at her, flabbergasted.

"What are you doing here? I mean, already! It's still… today!"

"Well spotted," Leni teased him and tossed her bag unto the couch. "It was… oh, hi Mimi… it was just hell at my parents'. Let Roger tell you!" She sat down and closed her eyes.

Mark said an awkward goodnight and escaped up the fire escape, while Mimi went about preparing coffee.

"Did you have a good day, at least?" Leni asked.

Mimi's head snapped up. "Um, what? Oh… yeah, it was fine."

Leni frowned at her roommate. Mimi was unusually flustered and twitchy.

"What's up with you, Meems? You look like the kid who just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Or down someone's pants."

Mimi flushed a bright red at that and Leni perked up. "Oh? Down someone's pants, is it? Who?"

The dancer groaned and hid her face in her hands. Her voice sounded muffled as she said, "I swear, you've been spending too much time with Maureen." She sighed. "Well, since he wants to tell everybody anyway, I might as well… it's Mark!"

Leni clapped her hands in front of her mouth and squealed. "Oh my God, Mimi, that is _so_ sweet! I bet the two of you will make the sweetest couple in the world."

The Latina smiled at her. "Thanks, Leni. I just hope Roger sees it the same way," and as she saw that Leni's face fell at that, she added quickly, "I'm sorry, that was tactless. He won't mind me and Mark, I'm sure. He has you now!"  
"Yeah, and I'm quite something," Leni said bitterly, but then shook off the grim mood. "I'm still happy for you and Mark. Just… be careful. It's too easy to lose control when you're not constantly aware of what's going on."

* * *

"Roger? Can I talk to you?"

Roger looked up from unpacking his bag at Mark's awkward question.

"What is it, Marky?" he asked, his tone slightly teasing. Mark fidgeted. He wasn't convinced anymore that telling Roger was a good idea after all, but he had told Mimi he would and now, he wouldn't back down.

"It's about, um… What would you say if I told you I had a girlfriend?"  
Roger grinned and slapped Mark's arm approvingly. "I'd say good for you. It's about time you got laid!"

The filmmaker blushed, but went on, "And how about if I told you that Mimi had a new boyfriend?"

Roger's grin faded. He put two and two together quickly and frowned at his friend. The slight frown turned into a full out scowl as the meaning of Mark's words sank in.

_Mark and Mimi. **Mark **and Mimi. _

"Oh… So that's how it is. You're one fucked up friend, you know that, Cohen?"

Mark recoiled as if Roger had slapped him. "What the fuck?"

"Well, that's the reason behind all that 'make-it-work-with-Leni'-bullshit you kept throwing my way, isn't it? So you could have Mimi?"

"Are you insane, Rog? That shit with Leni happened before Mimi was even back!"

"Yeah, but once she was, you were a lot more eager to see me with Leni!"

Mark threw up his hands in frustration. "There's no talking to you, Roger! Mimi and I are… I didn't even start this! You know how Mimi is, if she wants something, she goes after it!"

Roger gave a scathing laugh. "And you think she wants you?"

Silence followed those words. Mark looked at his best friend, hurt clearly written in his blue eyes. Roger sighed and tried to touch Mark's shoulder, but the filmmaker pulled away. "That was low, Rog," he said, "even for you. Why don't you cool off, I'll be with my girlfriend."

He left without another word.

* * *

When Leni woke up the next morning, she heard angry shouts coming from the living room. When she opened the bedroom door, she saw Roger, Mark and Mimi shouting at each other, all in varying states of blushing.

She managed to understand only snippets of the argument.

"…fact that my best friend was _lusting_ after my girlfriend…"

"… not your girlfriend anymore, so you can kiss my…"

"… It's not like you're single, anyway…"

"… not the point, the point is that she…"

"… perfectly capable of making my own decisions…"

"**Guys!**" Leni yelled, to make herself heard over the commotion. The three others fell silent. "Roger, would you mind…?" She gestured inside her bedroom and he followed her invitation grudgingly. They sat down on the bed, Roger avoiding her eyes as best he could.

"Do you want to talk?" she finally asked.

"If I wanted to talk, I suppose I'd be talking!" he snapped angrily, but, seeing the determined look on Leni's face, he apologized.

"I'm really not your best choice as a boyfriend, baby."

"Yeah, well, that's too bad!" Leni said resolutely and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Because I have you now and I'm not letting you go so easily. You're not the first boyfriend with jealousy issues."

Roger bristled at that. "Jealousy issues? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you have a problem with Mark and Mimi being together because she used to be yours and you don't want to see anyone else with her."

"Oh yeah," he spat, "and since when are you a fucking psychiatrist, Leni?"

Fed up with his theatrics, she got to her feet and opened the door for him.

"Okay, if talking to you won't work, then get out. And perhaps you'll think about why I might have a reason to be upset about my boyfriend getting jealous because his ex has someone else."

Roger didn't move. He just sat there, staring at the floor. Leni waited a little, exchanging curious glances with Mimi and Mark in the living room, before finally kneeling down on the floor next to Roger.

"Hey, what is it?"

Suddenly, he lunged forward, wrapped his arms around her and claimed her lips in a kiss that would surely leave her mouth bruised. It took her a second to realize what was happening before kissing him back with equal fervour.

When they finally let go of each other's lips, Roger leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry, baby," he said gently, "but I'm really not good at this whole… relationship thing. You're going to have to have a lot of patience. I'm just… trying to figure it out."

"Love?" She smiled sadly. "You can't!"

He got up and turned to Mark and Mimi.

"Hurt her, and I'll castrate you with a guitar string," he told his best friend, before giving him an awkward hug.

* * *

And life went on. To Leni, it was strange that something as simple as living each day, eating, sleeping and breathing, could become so precious. Somehow, for the first couple of weeks, she expected each day to be her last, each intake of breath to become painful. When she finally realized that that wasn't the case, she started living again. Living. Taking AZT. Kissing Roger. Working. Sleeping with Roger. It became routine, and in that routine was comfort. A month passed. It was now August and the heat became unbearable sometimes. Mimi's and Leni's apartment was always slightly cooler, so the loft stayed mostly empty during the nights, Roger and Mark preferring to stay with their girlfriends.

One morning, Roger, Mimi, Mark and Leni were gathered around the rickety table and having breakfast, when there was an urgent knock on the door.

They exchanged glances, the unspoken question of who is would be hanging in the air. Collins was back at NYU, Maureen and Joanne would both be at work at this hour.

Mimi got up and went to open the door, while the others turned back to their cereal bowls. Suddenly, though, Leni's head snapped up as she heard an all too familiar voice.

"Is… is my sister here?"

"_Jessica_?" Leni stood up so quickly her chair skidded backwards before falling over.

Jessica Hollis stood in the doorway, a suitcase at her feet and a bag slung over her shoulder. Her blonde bangs were plastered to her forehead with sweat and there were stains on her t-shirt beneath her arms. She looked exhausted, nervous beyond belief, but thrilled at the same time.

"Hi sis," she said, sounding somewhat breathless before pulling her older sister into a hug.

"Jess, what the hell are you doing here?" Leni asked incredulously.

"I was hoping… Can I at least come in? Thank you!"

Jessica carried her bags inside and Mimi closed the door behind her.

They all sat down.

"Anyway," Jessica picked up where she had left off, "I was hoping I could stay with you for awhile. Home is just… suffocating right now."

"What does 'awhile' mean?" Leni asked cautiously, "Until you go to college?"

Her sister shook her head timidly. "Actually, I was hoping I could stay, you know, for good. And I'm not going to college."

"_What?_"

"I don't want to. You didn't either. I just wanted to live like you do, cause, you know, you seemed so happy."

Leni was a hair's breadth from beating her sister around the head for her stupidity.

"Yeah, I'm really fucking happy," she bellowed instead, "living in a dump, working at a Denny's… besides, I'm twenty-one, you're seventeen!"

"So?" Jessica argued, "I'll be an adult soon."

"Yeah, like next year!" Leni got up and reached for the telephone. "This is ridiculous. I'm calling Mom and Dad. Look, I'm gonna ask them if you can stay for a week or two and in that time, we can try to figure out what to do. I'm still saying you should go to college!" With that, she turned her attention back to the phone and dialled. "Hi Dad, it's Leni.… Yeah, that's why I'm calling, she's here. … No. … Can't you let her stay here for a couple of days? … To get herself straightened out. … Why would I be a bad influence on… Yeah, really fucking great, Dad! That's gonna help… Well, I'm giving it anyway. … This is so dumb, just… Fine. Whatever!"

She hung up and shook her head. "Stupid people. They're coming to pick you up!"

Jessica's shoulders slumped. "But you can't just hand me over to them!"

"I can and I will," Leni said firmly. "Visit me some other time, when you're allowed to! – Come on, they won't be here for awhile, let me show you around."

* * *

Leni and Jessica were in the bedroom looking at some photos Mark had taken over the past months, when Roger called them into the living room.

It had been hours since Leni had called her parents, and they had been on the lookout for their car for some time.

Morning had turned into noon, afternoon, and, finally, evening. The sun was already low in the sky.

"You see them?" Leni asked as she joined her boyfriend at the window.

"No, but those cops!" Roger answered and pointed at a police car which had just held outside.

"They might not necessarily come to us," Mimi said, and the entire group fell silent and listened… listened so closely, in fact, that the knock on the door seemed obscenely loud.

Leni went to get it this time, and sure enough, there were two tall policemen in uniform. One of them held up a badge before anyone even asked for identification.

The older one of the two, a man with a gigantic black moustache, cast a look around the apartment before speaking.

"We're looking for a…" he consulted a crumpled piece of paper in his hand, "Elena Hollis."

"That's me," Leni said, feeling in her gut that something was not right at all. The sympathetic look the younger cop gave her confirmed that. And while a single thought kept repeating itself in Leni's head… _ Mom and Dad will be here any minute. … They should have arrived hours ago. _… she waited for the policeman to continue, hoping beyond hope that he wasn't going to say what she feared he would.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**Review please! And since Diva Actress wants one, you'll get a Maureen action figure in return for your reviews, including the cat suit and the flirty attitude. **_


	14. I should tell you

A/N: Chapter 14, everyone! Expect more drama! A **lot** more! You like drama, right? Tell me what you think of the chappie, please! By the way, I know next to nothing about finances or inheritance tax, so ignore any mistakes I might have made in that department, please. (You'll see what I'm talking about!)

* * *

Chapter 14 

_There has been an accident._

The words kept repeating themselves over and over in Leni's head. The policemen had left already, Mimi and Mark held a sobbing Jessica securely wrapped in their arms and Roger was standing by in case Leni should break down. She didn't. She didn't, because she was waiting for the nightmare to end, for someone to shake her awake and tell her that this was not her life, that she did not just lose her parents and that she was not HIV positive, since it was just impossible that so much should happen to her in so short a time.

_There has been an accident._  
A truck had run a red light, hit her parents' car and sent it spinning, across the street, right into traffic. It had landed on its roof, gasoline leaking out. Someone had called an ambulance. Her mother had been dead on impact, her father passed away in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Leni didn't cry. Shock pounded through her veins, pumped through her with every heartbeat. But at the same time, she knew that she could not allow herself to mourn. Not yet, not while Jessica had no one else to rely on, not while there was so much to do.

Therefore she pushed back Roger's arms, with the mumbled explanation "I'm fine, don't worry about me," and went over to embrace her sister.

Jess collapsed against her and howled with grief.

Leni stroked her hair, mumbling soothing nonsense. Her eyes were fixed on the opposite wall, unblinking, until they started to burn from dehydration.

_There has been an accident._

For a short, incredibly selfish moment, Leni thought the real accident had been her father forgetting to use a condom one night more than twenty-one years ago. If it hadn't been for her, none of this…

Jessica's voice shook her out her reverie.

"It's… it's my fault," she sobbed, "they were… coming to get me… and it was my … my fucking fault."

"Shh," Leni hushed her, although she felt like a hypocrite. Hadn't she been thinking something similar only a moment ago? "It's not your fault, baby. It's not!"

"Mommy… and Daddy… I just can't…," she started weeping again, unable to finish the sentence.

_Mommy. Daddy. No._

Leni didn't cry.

* * *

It had been a difficult night. Jessica had slept curled up between Leni and Mimi, but only after exhaustion had overcome her. Roger had taken the couch and Mark had slept in Mimi's bed. 

The guitarist was at a loss at how to help Leni through this. He woke up to see his girlfriend already dressed in her best pair of black slacks and a grey blouse, nursing a cup of coffee.

"Hey," he said groggily, "you going somewhere?"

She nodded. "I have a million things to do. I have to talk to our lawyer, and the funeral home, I have to call my aunt in Canada, my grandma Lillian in Minnesota…"

Roger frowned, slightly taken aback by the businesslike tone in her voice. "Anything I can help you with?" he asked tentatively, but she shook her head at once.

"No, thank you. I've got it under control."

She left shortly afterwards, giving Roger a quick peck on the lips. He knew what she was doing, he had seen Mark do it countless times. She was detaching, refusing to let any emotion get to her.

After he had gotten up and taken a shower, Mimi and Jessica came out of Leni's bedroom as well. Mimi had one arm securely around the young girl's shoulders while they took baby steps to the couch. Jessica looked terrible. Dark circles under her eyes told him that she had barely slept that night, her eyes were red from crying and already new tears were forming. Yesterday's weeping had left its tracks on her cheeks and she was shuddering with sporadic sobs.

Roger informed them that Leni was out 'taking care of a few things'. He didn't want to say outright that she was arranging her parents' funeral, but of course Jessica knew what he was talking about and she immediately broke out in renewed sobbing.

Not knowing what else to do, Roger called Maureen and Joanne, figuring that more people meant a greater distraction, which could only be good for all of them.

* * *

Leni came home in the late afternoon. Her expression was grim. She told Maureen to take Jessica upstairs, show her the loft and keep her occupied. For once, her sister didn't complain about being treated like a baby. 

The rest of the bohemians gathered around the table and Leni said bluntly, "My parents were pretty much broke. Not really, of course, we were living quite well, but there's a significant amount of debts, which I'll have to take care of. We're going to have to sell the house and anything we can't use here, and even then… what with inheritance tax… there won't be much left. There's Jessica's college money, but I don't want to touch that."

Joanne realized that this was a moment in which Leni would not appreciate it if someone tiptoed around her feelings, so she asked directly, "Didn't they have life insurance?"

Leni shook her head. "They wanted to get it, but never got around to it. We weren't well insured at all. Strange though that may seem. I'm just glad I have health insurance."

"How can we help you?" Mark asked, "We'll do anything."

"I appreciate that. There is something I would like you to do with me. My parent's funeral is in three days. I want to be done with the house before that. So tomorrow, I'd like you to come with me and go through the furniture and everything and pick out what we could use here or what you'd like to keep. I'll go through mine and Jessica's room and clean them out."

Mimi shifted uncomfortably. "Leni, we can't just… take stuff."

Leni simply shrugged. "Why not? Everything you haven't tagged, I'll have my neighbours sell in a garage sale, anyway. We can't afford to be sentimental, not with me having to get AZT and putting Jessica through college."

* * *

It was incredibly strange for the group of friends to walk through a stranger's house with a stack of post-its in one hand, marking whatever one deemed useable. 

The couch, loveseat and armchair from the Hollis' living-room would replace the duct taped piece of crap in the loft. Kitchen appliances would be taken and distributed to the two apartments. They would trade in the lumpy, wobbly mattresses they slept on with real beds, with good mattresses, nice fluffy pillows and warm quilts.

Books were packed in large cartons. Cutlery, glasses and plates were wrapped in newspapers and packed.

Leni went about it all with cold practicality. However, she absolutely refused to let Jessica help with it. Her younger sister had come once, early in the morning, to say her farewells to the house. Then she had been sent off with Maureen, who had volunteered to take care of her through the day.

Leni also spent entire hours on the phone with the family's lawyer, a real estate agent, a social worker and her aunt in Canada.

On the evening before the funeral, she sat down in the loft's living-room with her sister to explain a few things. She had also asked Mimi, Mark and Roger to stay and listen.

Jessica was cuddled up on the familiar couch next to her sister and clutched a dilapidated teddy bear to her chest.

"In their will," Leni began, "Mom and Dad put me down as your legal guardian, if anything should happen to them. Now, I know you'll be eighteen soon, anyway, but until then, I'm responsible for you… after that, too, as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to just order you to stay with me, however. Aunt Cynthia has offered that you could stay with her. In Canada. Or you could stay with me, either here, if the others don't mind, or we'd find some new place."

Jessica didn't even have to think about it. "Wanna stay with you," she announced and snuggled up closer to her sister.

"And of course you're going to stay here," Mimi said firmly. "We're family."

The two men nodded their consent.

"Thanks, guys," Leni told them before turning back to Jessica. "But if you're going to stay here, there's something you have to know." She took a deep breath. "Perhaps you have noticed Roger, Mimi and me taking pills a couple of times during the day."

"No, I hadn't noticed," Jessica answered, looking worried.

"Well, you will notice. Those are AZT. Mimi, Rog and I are HIV positive."

"_What_?" Jess sat upright at once. Before she could panic, Leni grabbed her hands. "Listen to me, sis, okay? I'm fine! I'm healthy, I get regular checkups and I'm taking my meds. I'm being careful and so are the others. I'm not going anywhere, not for a long time. Don't worry!"

"How can you tell me not to worry… how can you…" Jessica said shrilly, her eyes wide with fear.

"You have to trust me," her sister answered calmly, "I'm not leaving you!"

* * *

The funeral was relatively simple. 

Two coffins on the dais. White lilies and roses. A photograph from Edward's and Andrea's wedding on an easel.

There weren't many people there, either. Aunt Cynthia and her family hadn't been able to come. Grandmother Lillian from Minnesota was there, a few colleagues, a few friends.

Collins had taken a couple of days off from NYU to come and be there for Leni and Jessica. Maureen and Joanne had come, as, of course, had Mimi, Mark and Roger.

Jessica had wanted to say something, but her throat had closed up and she had simply started crying. Leni didn't even make the attempt to give a speech. How could she say goodbye to her parents in front of all those people?

Therefore, a few family friends spoke about how wonderful Edward and Andrea had been, how much they would be missed and how much good they were leaving behind in their two daughters.

Jessica sobbed quietly into Collins's shoulder. Mimi cried silently, Mark's arm around her waist. Maureen and Joanne were holding hands.

Roger would have liked to hold Leni or comfort her in any way, but she hadn't allowed him to come close to her at all. In fact, she tried not to touch anyone but her sister. Her stoic expression had not changed once since she had first heard the news of her parents' death.

As the others were leaving the church, Leni asked them to go ahead without her. She wanted a few moments alone. Her friends complied, but waited right outside the church doors.

Leni approached the coffins. They were closed, and she was grateful for that. She wanted to remember her parents alive and vibrant, not lying in that final bed of satin.

Taking a deep breath, she placed one hand on either coffin and spoke.

"Mommy… Daddy…" she swallowed, "there are…um… a couple of things I wanted to say to you and… I never got the chance. So here goes. I'm sorry you had to worry so much about me. You were… really great and I didn't mean it when I said that you were putting me down on purpose. I never hated home, I just… outgrew it. But I did have the greatest childhood. … I'm gonna miss your cookies, Mom. There's just something about them I can never get right. … Also, I… I didn't _not_ go to college to piss you off, I just didn't want anymore school. I'll see to it that Jess goes, though. I hope I can take care of her properly, at least for a while. I should tell you… I'm HIV positive. So we'll be meeting again sooner than you might think." Her eyes were itching. Tears made her throat close up, but she refused to let them fall yet. She had more to tell them.

"I'll miss you. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I hate that… the last things I ever said to you were while we were fighting. I'll… really miss you, Mommy… and Daddy…" Now the tears started flowing, and she barely managed to choke out, "I should tell you… I love you!" before sobs shook her body and, her strength finally gone, she fell to her knees. Her sobbing had alerted the others and before she had even registered that there were other people around her, Roger had his arms around her and she cried until she felt as if there was not a single tear drop left in her body.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**Review please! See that little button on the back of the Maureen doll, right above the star-tattoo on her behind? Press that and hear your Maureen moo! In exchange for reviews for this chapter, you'll get a Joanne action figure whose accessories include suspenders, bottles of champagne and awesome tango skills! Enjoy! **_


	15. Making it work

A/N: After a severe case of writer's block, I now give you chapter fifteen! Tell me how you like it and see if you can guess who the newly introduced character is. (It's really not hard to guess)

Thanks VERY VERY much to Diva Actress, my new beta-reader.

_Italics are thoughts. Just in case you forgot._

* * *

Chapter 15

"We have to figure out how we're going to make this work," Leni announced the day after the funeral. "My room is too small for two people and Jess can't sleep on the couch forever. So perhaps it would be best if we found our own place."

They were all sitting in the Life Café, drinking tea or coffee. Maureen was chewing gum absentmindedly, apparently thinking hard.

"You know," she said finally, "Roger could just move in with you, Mimi would move upstairs into his old room… and you and Rog only need one room anyway. Jessica could have Mimi's."

Roger and Leni exchanged uncomfortable glances.

"I don't know if we're ready to move together yet," she said finally. "We've only been dating for… four months. And that's if you don't count the little… break… we took."

Maureen shrugged. "So? That's longer than I had been seeing Joanne before we moved in together."

"Don't pester them, Honeybear," Joanne told her.

"I like the idea," Mimi piped up. She was sitting on Mark's lap –a sight Maureen, Joanne and Collins still had to get used to– and she was idly twirling her hair around her fingers. "Mark, what do you think?"

The blonde filmmaker shrugged. "I would love to have you living with me, Meems, but that's Roger's and Leni's decision; and Jessica's, for that matter."

That last sentence made everybody turn to Leni's little sister. The seventeen-year old had been sitting quietly in her chair, staring mutely at the cup of tea in front of her and hardly acknowledging what was going on around her. She looked up as she noticed that everybody was staring at her.

"I don't care," she said quietly, "I don't really know any of you anyway."

"Jessica!" Leni frowned at her sister, but Roger put a hand on her arm.

"She's right, baby. She doesn't know us, and we can't expect her to feel comfortable so quickly. As for living together… I think it could work." He checked his watch and swore. "Fuck! Speaking of work… I'll see you guys later!"

Collins grinned at him. "Roger the bartender! I'll have to come by sometime and see that!"

Roger flipped him off and left quickly. He was already late.

Mimi looked after him. "Damn, he's gonna miss my announcement."

Collins looked at her with one raised eyebrow. "What, are you pregnant?"

Mimi rolled her eyes at him. "Funny. No, I have a job." She threw a wink at Leni. "We're co-workers now!"

* * *

It was difficult for Jessica to get used to her new living conditions. Although she had her own room now, which she had furnished and decorated with her stuff from her old home, it was still very strange. She missed her parents so much, that for the first month, she cried herself to sleep every night. Sometimes, Leni or Roger would hear it and they would come in and sit with her, rubbing her back, sometimes bringing her a bit of warm milk. Occasionally, Roger even sang for her, although that was no incentive for her to sleep, quite the opposite. She wanted to stay up and listen.

Living with Roger felt strange to her as well. She didn't really know him, since she was too shy to just go and talk to him, yet at the same time she had quite a crush on him.

As for Leni… her sister had certainly changed since she had moved out. Back then, she had been crazy about her art, but blind to the world. She still painted a lot, but her pictures were sombre, dark and brooding. She didn't smile as much as she used to and she was stricter than her parents had ever been. So Jessica started cutting herself off from the group, being the youngest anyway, she didn't have much to say to them.

One morning in early October, Jessica woke up to hear Leni and Roger fighting with each other.

"I don't want her there. She's seventeen; she doesn't belong in seedy clubs, amongst punks and junkies." That was Leni's voice, agitated and angry.

"Christ, Leni, you treat her like she's twelve! She's gonna be eighteen before you know it and then what? You can't just keep her locked up in here." Oh? Roger was defending her? Strange, but welcome.

"She is _my_ sister and _my_ responsibility!"

Silence, and then an offended huff from Roger.

"Fine. I thought we were… sort of… family. I mean…"

"Oh, _Roger_… that is so sweet!" Giggling and silence followed, and then Jessica heard their bedroom door open and close. She buried her face in her pillow and groaned.

Since those two would be occupied for the next hour anyway, Jessica decided it would be safe to get up. She padded into the kitchenette, still in her blue pajamas, and grabbed a cup of coffee. Her gaze fell onto a platter of cupcakes Maureen had brought the day before and so she ate one of them for breakfast.

Just as she had returned from taking a shower and changing into jeans and a sweatshirt, the door of Leni's and Roger's bedroom opened again, and her sister emerged. She was wearing her long grey dressing gown and her strawberry hair looked ever so slightly disheveled.

"Hey, sis," she said happily, "I didn't even hear you get up."

"No, you wouldn't," Jessica replied grumpily, "with you and Roger going at it like rabbits…"

Leni blushed furiously and quickly busied herself with fixing sandwiches for her boyfriend and herself. Seeking to annoy her sister further, Jessica brought up another sore topic. "I overheard you talking earlier. So am I correct in assuming that you will be allowing me to come with you to the club tonight?"

"No, you're incorrect, my dear," Leni answered without looking up, adding bacon to the sandwiches.

"What?" Jessica pouted and kicked one of the kitchen chairs in annoyance. "Normally you're in a much better mood after your rock star boyfriend has had his wicked way with you…"

This got Leni to turn around and she looked angry enough to make even her little sister notice that she was crossing lines.

"Jessica, what happens in our bedroom is _our_ business and I don't want to hear anymore of your ridiculous taunts. The way you're behaving right now quite clearly shows that you're not mature enough to go with us!"

"You totally get off on that whole authority figure bullshit, don't you, Elena?" Jessica said her eyes narrowed. She tried to use the advantage of being a good three inches taller than her sister, but Leni was unfazed by this.

"You're not coming with us and that's final. I don't care if you like it or not, but you're my responsibility. Mom wanted me to…"

"Mom is dead! And you can go to hell, for all I care!"

Leni slapped her across the face, then grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

"So you think," she said, her voice trembling with anger, "that because they're gone you're entitled to go off and fuck up your life? I already did that, enough for the both of us. Now get the hell away from me! And if I find that you left this apartment while we were gone, I won't ground you or anything, I will give you a good, old-fashioned, ass kicking!"

She retreated into her bedroom with the sandwiches and kicked the door shut behind her. Handing Roger his food, she collapsed onto the bed.

"You can't keep this up," her boyfriend observed. "She's not gonna behave better if you push her around."

"I know that," Leni answered without opening her eyes. "I just don't know what else to do right now. I have to screw my own head back on straight before I can take care of her properly, you know? I want to take the time and show her around Alphabet City and everything before I let her roam around on her own. Besides, if I don't discipline her in some way, she's not going to adhere to a single rule in this house."

Roger sighed and set his half finished sandwich aside and pulled her into his arms, his right hand toying idly with the tie of her robe.

"You can't replace your mother, Leni. Fine, don't let her come tonight because she really said things she shouldn't have. But next time, let her come and try not to appear motherly. That will just push her away. Be her sister. You guys used to be close, right?"

"You're right." She pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you, Roger."

And as he had done every single time she had told him so in the past, he kissed her nose and said, "I know."

* * *

Jessica sat on the couch in the empty apartment and stared at the ceiling glumly.

There was nothing to do. Leni and her friends had gone out and she didn't feel like reading or doing something on her own. Her friends were back in Brooklyn or even further away and she didn't know anyone in the neighborhood.

_And why is that? Because sister-dearest insists on handling me like a raw egg. I'm seventeen fucking years old._

She pursed her lips in thought. Leni and Roger wouldn't return before two o'clock in the morning, that was for sure. So what kept her from going out herself?

She hadn't even finished that thought before she had snatched up her keys and gone out the door. Her wallet she left behind on purpose. No one could steal what she didn't have on her, and she wasn't planning on going anywhere with admission fees, neither did she want to buy anything.

Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she started walking down the streets which were familiar enough during the day but seemed hauntingly strange by night.

She walked and walked, not meeting anyone's eyes and keeping her gait fast and determined. After awhile, however, the adrenaline rush had worn off. She began to feel a little uneasy.

_Mommy always said to concentrate on something else if you're afraid and…_

Mommy.

And just like that, her energy was spent. Before she knew it, she was leaning against a wall, her face in her hands, her mind willing the tears to disappear.

It was then that a voice called out to her.

"Hey, cutie!"

Her head snapped up. The speaker was a man, tall, dark-haired, with a goatee and high cheekbones. He was handsome, in a sinister and slightly scary way, but he was also probably in his early thirties.

"You look like you could use some… comfort."

Jessica knew what he meant. Drugs. Smack. Blow. Whatever. The stuff that made Alessandra the way she was, according to Leni.

"I don't do drugs," she replied, hating the little tremor in her voice.

He shrugged. "Fine. Don't take drugs. So… what's up with you? How old are you, anyway?"

_Seventeen. Yeah, like I'm going to tell you that, asshole._

"I'm twenty-one," she snapped defensively, a lie she knew she could pull off. People often assumed she was as old as Leni, or older, even.

The stranger raked his eyes over her slim figure in jeans and a red polo shirt.

"What's your name?"

"Jessica," she answered, almost involuntarily, "and yours?"

"Ryan."

Jess felt her hands tremble and wanted to get home. At the same time, talking to this man, and obviously being hit on, brought back the adrenaline rush.

_No, I won't take drugs. I'll just become an adrenaline junkie._

So when he asked, "Wanna go somewhere?" she only hesitated for a moment.

"I didn't bring my ID, so…"

He scoffed at that. "The places I'm gonna take you to won't card."

And so she went with him, and she didn't object when he bought her first shot of Tequila ever, and the ones after that.

And later that night, she didn't object when he pulled her into some dirty alleyway and kissed her. It took her breath away, since all her kisses so far had been from high school boys, nervously fumbling through an embarrassing exchange of saliva. When Ryan kissed her, it was tongues and teeth and hands gripping hair and heat pooling in her stomach.

She made it back home shortly before three a.m. To her tremendous relief, Roger and Leni weren't back yet. The club had to be better than they had anticipated.

She showered quickly and then went straight to bed. There she lay, staring up at the ceiling, counting the cracks and pressing her hand to her still-tingling lips.

Around four, she heard Roger and Leni come home. Her sister was giggling softly. When the door opened and Leni stuck her head in to check if everything was alright, she quickly pretended to be asleep.

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

_**REVIEW! This time, I offer a Benny action figure. Comes with akita Evita, fancy suit and yuppie scum-attitude. Made out of extra-durable material, so you can throw him against the wall whenever you like! Feed me some more reviews, people, I'm addicted! **_


	16. Eventually

A/N: Sorry for the long pause! It won't happen again, I promise. I was sick for a while and didn't really have energy to write. Anyway, here is Chapter 16.

This is now the beta-ed version. I'm sorry it took so long, but I have to admit that it was my fault. Diva Actress, my lovely beta (I lurves you!) managed to look through it mere hours after I'd finished, but I just didn't get around to posting the correct version.

A quick note on this chapter: I know that Mimi has her whole "It's right, that today is Halloween"-line, but that's just the day of Angel's funeral, not the day he died. So I had his date of death be about five days earlier. Ok? Ok. On with the story.

Sorry, this is a rather short one. Reviews make the world go 'round!

_And just a reminder…italics are thoughts!_

* * *

Chapter 16

For the next two weeks, Leni made a point of being particularly friendly   
with her sister. Jessica knew that Leni had a bad conscience, and   
ordinarily, she would have made her feel bad just for the heck of it. But  
since her own mind was occupied with thoughts of Ryan, she didn't really  
have the energy to argue with anyone.

Roger and Leni both worked late shifts, so they always left for work  
together and came back together. Right after they had gone, Jessica left the   
apartment in a hurry to meet Ryan.

Their relationship, if it could be called that, was not like anything she   
had imagined. He waited for her in the same alleyway where she had first met  
him. She always pushed the knowledge that he was a drug dealer to the back  
of her mind, so to her, that alleyway wasn't 'his spot', it was just a  
convenient place to meet. Then they would go somewhere, either a bar to get  
a few drinks, or straight to Ryan's apartment, where they always ended up   
anyway.

On the third evening, Jessica learned the hard way that the glorified 'first  
time' wasn't really glorious at all. She made a pathetic attempt at faking,  
but Ryan didn't really seem to care either way. He did hold her afterwards  
and for the first time, they talked a little about ordinary things. Jessica  
had to remind herself constantly that she was supposed to be twenty-one.

She grew accustomed to sex quickly. It was fun, she decided, and it made her   
feel grown up and important. The thought that she was putting herself in  
danger never once entered her mind.

* * *

On October 26th, Leni told Jessica over breakfast that they would go to the   
Life to celebrate. Jess looked up from her bowl of cereal.

"What's the occasion?" she inquired.

"Angel died just a year ago today," Leni answered, "and since he always said  
to live life to its fullest, there is no better way to commemorate him than  
to have a party. Roger and I took off work for that, and Collins will be  
there, of course."

They hadn't seen the anarchist in well over a month. Jessica frowned. This  
didn't fit her plans at all. She had already told Ryan she'd meet him later  
that day.

_What do I care about this Angel-person anyway? I never met him and I don't   
owe him anything._

She put a hand to her forehead and groaned. Leni looked up immediately,   
concern evident on her face.

"What's wrong? Got a headache?" She arched an eyebrow. "Or do you not want  
to come tonight?"

She knew her sister to well, and the younger one admitted defeat quickly.

"You caught me. I just don't feel too comfortable around you guys. I mean, Roger is fine" _more than fine _"and Mark and Mimi are nice, and Collins… but I just can't **stand** Maureen and Joanne doesn't know I exist. And all of them thrown together… I just feel so small!"

Leni nodded in understanding. She often had the feeling that her friends were a little too much for her sister.

"Okay, stay home if you want to. There's some leftover takeout in the fridge, I think it's Chinese." She reached over and ruffled her sister's hair affectionately. "At least you won't starve."

A loud crash could be heard from her bedroom, followed by a very pronounced "Fuck!"

Leni rolled her eyes. "What are you looking for, Roger?" she shouted in the general direction of her boyfriend.

"My blue shirt!" he yelled in reply.

"In the closet! Your brown jacket might be on the same hanger, so look for that," Leni called back. There was a short rummaging sound, then Roger's voice could be heard again. "Found it!"

Jessica grinned. "I swear, the two of you are behaving just like an old married couple."

Her sister sighed wistfully. "I wish!"

* * *

Later that day, around six o'clock in the evening, almost the entire gang had gathered at the Life Café, only Collins was missing. They had postponed ordering their food until he arrived, but he was already twenty minutes late.

"I'm gonna call him," Mark announced and was just about to get up, when Jim the waiter approached. Since the bohemians ate at the Life quite often, he was already on first names basis with them.

"Mark, don't bother," he told him, guessing correctly at what Mark had been about to do. "Collins just called and asked me to tell you to celebrate without him. Something came up."

Stunned silence met his words, until Maureen spoke up.

"What came up? We're celebrating Angel here. There is no 'something' that can stop him from being here."

Jim shrugged apologetically. "I can't tell you, 'cause he didn't tell me. Those were his exact words: Something came up. Sorry!"

He left and the bohemians exchanged puzzled glances.

"What do we do now?" Mark finally asked. "Go home?"

Mimi nodded. "Doesn't really make sense to be here without Collins. We could just go back to the loft and hang out. We might have a few beers left."

The suggestion was met with general approval.

* * *

On the way back, the three couples wandered through the streets holding hands and otherwise keeping very quiet. Leni peered into the side alleys now and again, while Roger had his arm around her shoulders. Suddenly, she stopped dead so abruptly that she almost caused a collision with Mimi and Mark.

"What is it, baby?" Roger asked and peered into the same alley Leni was intently staring at.

He noticed the man under the streetlamp at once. The Man. His former drug dealer. But there was someone with him, a girl, half wrapped around him in a fierce kiss. The girl was slim, blond and really fucking familiar.

A second later, Roger was running down the street, with Leni hot on his heels. He grabbed the drug dealer by the collar and pulled him away from Jessica before punching him square in the jaw. He went down instantly and swayed slightly when he got back on his feet.

Jessica had been wrapped in a hug by the shocked Leni and was barely listening as her sister asked her, "Munchkin, what did he do to you? Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Roger was about to punch the Man again, when suddenly Jess tore herself from Leni's grasp and latched onto his right arm.

"Don't!" she told him, "It's not his fault."

* * *

The silence was almost impossible to bear. Jessica would have preferred it if Roger or Leni had screamed at her, but they both remained silent. The rest of the bohemians were upstairs in the loft. Minutes seemed like hours in which all Jess did was stare at her feet and hope for some reaction from the two immobile individuals sitting on the couch in front of her.

"I'm sorry, alright!" she finally burst out.

"Of course it is not alright," Roger replied sharply. "I don't think you have an idea of just who it was you were fucking with. Literally."

"What do you expect me to do?" Leni asked her sister without looking her in the eye. "I cannot ground you, you know that. I'm not going to hit you. All I wanna know… is why!" She finally did look up. Her eyes were swimming in tears.

"Why what?" Jess asked defensively.

"Why are you punishing _me_ because Mom and Dad died? 'Cause that's all this is, isn't it? You keep misbehaving because you wanna show me that I'm not Mom? Believe me, I know!!" She sighed deeply and hid her head in her hands. "I can't deal with this, Jessica. I just can't. You should go to Aunt Cynthia after all."

"No!" Jessica cried out and dropped to her knees in front of her sister, clasping Lenis hands tightly. "Just give me one more chance, I beg you! I'll behave, I promise I will! One more chance! There's… there's this off-Broadway show and they're looking for dancers; I wanna audition there. And I have friends here and _you_…Please!"

Leni smiled slightly. She turned to Roger.

"What do you think, baby?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Let her stay. But Jessica, I swear… I've never hit a woman, but you're seriously pushing it."

Jessica was just about to proclaim her undying gratitude when Mark burst through the door.

"Guys," he panted, "I just got a call from Benny. Collins is in the hospital. Apparently, he collapsed on the street."

* * *

Dr. Philips eyed the motley group assembled in front of him with genuine amusement.

"You're all here to see Mr. Collins?" he asked and received nods in return. His amusement faded. He detested to be the one to bring bad news.

"Have you been in touch with Mr. Collins recently?" he asked.

"We haven't seen him in a month," Mark answered.

"I am sorry to tell you this," he began and immediately noticed the fear that sprang up in all their eyes on his words. "Mr. Collins T-cells are at a desperate low. I don't… I don't think he'll ever leave this hospital again."

The silence was deafening. It was Maureen who finally managed to ask, "How long does he have?" Her voice cracked.

Dr. Philips sighed. "With treatment… I'd say about three weeks. Certainly not more than a month."

He picked at a loose thread on his white T-Shirt.

"Can we see him?" Again, it was Maureen who had asked.

Collins was asleep. Although he was normally a bear of a man, he looked strangely small in the white hospital bed, a green tube in his nose and an  
IV stuck in his arm. He breathed deeply, but always with a slightly wheezing  
sound to it. On his forehead, barely visible and right next to his hairline were two dark spots.

KS lesions.

Leni stood at the foot of the bed, between Roger and Jessica. The latter had clutched her hand tightly.

And, with her uncanny ability to voice the thoughts just flitting through Leni's mind, she whispered, utter horror in her voice, "Will that happen to you?"

And Leni answered, "Eventually."

* * *

… _**to be continued**_

**_Review, please! In return, you get a Mrs. Cohen-action figure. Accessories include cell phone-with-which-to-annoy-Mark-day-and-night and an awesome recipe for matzah ball soup!_**


	17. Learn to say goodbye

A/N: Here I give you chapter 17. It's one more chapter and the epilogue after this. Many thanks to my beta Diva Actress.

* * *

Chapter 17

Roger and Mark had stayed at the hospital well after visiting hours had been over. Only when a nurse threatened to call security did they leave. Collins had been asleep the entire time.

They had spoken very little. Mark had wondered how he could not have noticed how badly Collins was doing. How it could be that he was so sick that in only a month, he would be gone.

Roger, meanwhile, had been busy blaming himself. And Leni. Since she had come into his life, he had been neglecting his friends, his family. How could he not have known that Mark had been in love with Mimi all along if it hadn't been for his attention going elsewhere, namely Leni. For a short, but nonetheless painful moment, Roger wished he had never met her. It was not the first time, either. Collins, one of his best friends, who had helped him countless of times, was dying and Roger had wasted precious time he could have been spending with him.

Forget regret? Fuck that!

* * *

When Roger finally did come home, he saw Leni sleeping on the couch. Apparently, she had been trying to wait up for him but fallen asleep.

He knew he should have woken her up, but he did not feel like talking, so he merely grabbed a blanket from the bedroom and draped it over her before going to bed himself.

A few short hours later, he was woken up by angry shouts. Jessica was, once again, screaming at her sister. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

"That's it…" he muttered to himself before getting to his feet and walking out into the living room.

"… Roger is older than you!" Jessica shouted. Leni sat at the table, her fingers massaging her temples.

"Jessica, I really think we've been over this enough times. Roger is twenty-eight, not thirty-seven, or whatever, and besides, I don't think you can compare them. At all!"

"But..."

"Are the two of you going to stop anytime soon?" Roger interrupted harshly. "For your information, one of my best friends is dying and I need a little peace and quiet right now. Can I get that here, or should I move back upstairs?"

Leni looked at him tiredly. "I can't do this anymore... I've had enough!" She dropped her head onto her folded arms and, by the way her shoulders twitched, Roger was pretty sure that she was crying, but no sound was to be heard.

Jessica looked from her sister to Roger and back again. She was feeling distinctly uncomfortable and backed out of the apartment quietly. The audition she had told Leni about was not for another four hours, so she decided to use her current freedom to get some of her thoughts straightened out.

The Leni she was living with was not the sister she remembered. The past months had hardened something in her, had killed a part of her spirit. She couldn't, in good conscience, keep living with her and try in vain to resurrect their past closeness. That, she knew now, was gone forever.

Without her realizing it, her feet had carried her to the alleyway she used to meet Ryan in. He was there, sure enough, quietly conversing with a stringy looking man. They shook hands and something was exchanged. The sight made Jess sick to her stomach. Perhaps she even made a sound, for Ryan looked up and shot her a dark look, telling her not to come closer. She didn't. She turned and ran.

* * *

Wherever she had expected to turn up after running from her ex-lover-boyfriend-whatever-the-hell-he-had-been, she had certainly not expected it to be the hospital.

Still, she found herself in front of the reception desk, a nurse looking at her questioningly. So she asked for the room of Mr. Collins. It occurred to her then, that she didn't even know his first name.

_What am I doing here? I hardly even know this guy..._

She went to him anyway.

He looked worse than last time. Underneath his naturally dark skin, he was deathly pale and the lesions on his face had become more pronounced over night. Still, he was awake and obviously happy to see her.

"Hey little one," he called, grinning, although his voice had become wheezy and weak. "I'm glad you came. I was gonna ask Roger to send you here, anyway. Have a seat!"

She sat down awkwardly on the stool by his bedside.

"What did you want me here for?" she asked.

"Practical advice," Collins replied and closed his eyes, settling back into the pillow. "This whole family would have gone to hell if I hadn't screwed a few heads back on straight. And I think you need that right now. So, I want you to shut up and listen. Can you do that?"

"Yep."

"Good." He coughed a violent sound which made Jessica shiver. And then he proceeded to lecture her for the next hour, only stopping to drink some water from the Styrofoam cup she held to his lips or to let her fluff his pillow.

Life in Alphabet City, according to Collins, was easy enough if you followed a few basic rules:

1. Don't do drugs. At least nothing you cannot smoke.

2. Always use protection, no matter who you are with.

3. Don't pass out drunk anywhere you might regret waking up.

4. Don't sell out.

5. Don't try to fit in, be the oddball in the City of Oddballs.

6. Don't use Leni Hollis as your role model, since she's one of the most fucked up people Collins knows.

7. Don't fall in love/lust with Roger Davis.

If you do, don't try and use filthy drug dealers as substitutes because you can't have him.

Jessica bristled at the last one. "I'm not in love with Roger... or in lust! And I certainly didn't use anyone as substitute for him. That's stupid anyway. Who would do that?"

Collins grinned. "Mark did. He dated Maureen at first because Roger had April and Mo seemed to be about as bad ass-y as Roger. Of course, he fell in love with her later, but that's how they first got together."

Jessica's jaw dropped. "Mark is _gay_?" she asked, completely flabbergasted.

"He is bi," Collins replied calmly. "It's really not a big deal anymore. He got over it. Don't ever tell Maureen, though, I don't think she could handle that. Her ego would implode." He chuckled a little, which quickly turned into another coughing fit.

"Does... does Roger know that?" Jessica asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the whole concept. Homosexuality and bisexuality had been kept as far away from her as AIDS and drugs during her childhood. It was certainly interesting, though.

Collins nodded in response to her question. "Yes, Roger knows. He's straight, though. Well, as far as I know, anyway. What I'm getting at..." he coughed again, "... I can see that you're not happy here. So my advice is to find your own feet quickly. Do something with yourself, get away from your sister and Roger and discover who you are, the real you. Leni can't help you there."

He took her hand and looked at her intently. "Most importantly, you have to learn to say goodbye. That's why I'm saying that it is important for you not to fall for Roger. 'Cause normally I wouldn't care all that much if he broke your heart, that's gonna happen to you a couple of times in your life. But Roger is going to die. So is Mimi. And Leni, too. They've been dying since they were diagnosed, a little each day. Sure, they all... or we all, I should say, have tried to make the most of the time we have. And for me, I'm happy to say that I think I did." He squeezed Jessica's hand as he saw that tears had began to roll down her cheeks. "Learn to say goodbye now and have a life apart from them. You have to have something or someone to fall back on. Mark has Maureen and Joanne. See what I mean?"

* * *

Jessica got a small part in the show. She was the third Dancing Mouse from the left, but it was a more or less steady paycheck for a while and it came with an additional perk: she had met two girls who shared an apartment which was only one block from the theater and they had a spare room, which they offered to her. She accepted immediately and went home to pack.

Leni was calmer than she had dared to hope when she told her that she was moving.

The two sisters were silently packing side by side when something occurred to Jessica. "Where is Roger, anyway? I hope I didn't cause a fight this morning."

Leni sighed. "You didn't cause it. We're just all very tense right now. He went upstairs to Mark and Mimi."

"It's good I'm moving out," Jessica declared firmly.

Roger returned to their apartment just as Jessica was preparing to leave.

"The rest I'll pick up during the next week," she was telling her sister, "but it's really better if I get this done quickly."

The guitarist looked around, clearly confused.

"What's going on here?" he asked without receiving a reply.

The younger girl just picked up her suitcases and headed for the door, pausing once to press a kiss to his cheek and whisper something into his ear.

When the door closed behind her, Roger turned to Leni, an expression of utter bewilderment on his face. "Did she just say 'I lust you'?"

Leni wasn't listening to him.

"She wouldn't even let me walk her to the subway. She just left..."

She started crying, but Roger, remembering their fight from the morning, made no move to embrace her. He sighed and started to walk past her, but she grabbed his arm, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He stood there, a little awkwardly, as she began placing kisses on his throat.

"I need you," she whispered hoarsely. And Roger scooped her into his arms, grinning. "We are, after all, alone again. We can be as loud as we'd like!"

Afterwards, Leni lay in his arms, spent and as happy as circumstances would allow. Roger's hands were playing with her hair.

"I love you," she said.

He hesitated for a moment, a number of words on the tip of his tongue. Then he kissed her cheek and replied, "I know."

* * *

A floor above them, another couple was in a similar situation. Mimi had just managed to effectively distract Mark from editing film. They had been making out on the couch and were now quietly enjoying each other's presence.

Mimi looked at Mark's peaceful expression and couldn't help but ask, "Do you sometimes think of how it will be, you know, when I go?"

Mark's blue eyes flickered open. He sighed. Sensing that this was not a moment for euphemisms or half-truths, he answered, "Yeah, sometimes. I cannot help it, with Collins being sick and all..."

Mimi snuggled closer to him. "How do you think it'll be?" Mark groaned and tried to squirm away, but she put a hand on his shoulder. "Please, Marky, I need you to be honest with me here!"

"Okay." He sighed once more. "It will be... hopefully very far in the future, and I will be with you. I'll be holding your hand, until your very last breath. And then you'll be watching over all of us from up there, with Angel and Collins. Alright?"

"Alright. Doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way."

* * *

It was well past midnight when the telephone in the loft rang.

Mark stumbled out of bed and over to the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Mark Cohen?" came the voice from the receiver.

"Speaking," he answered and the man on the other side went on, "This is Doctor Philips. I'm sorry to have to call you in the middle of the night, but it's about Mr. Collins. You might want to come over. It's a possibility that he won't last the night."

* * *

_**... to be continued**_

_**Review! I'm taking requests for the last action figure! **_


	18. I love you, too

A/N: This is the last chapter! I have the epilogue finished, as well, and if you review nicely (about 5 reviews perhaps, that would be great) I'll post it very soon. I hope you've all enjoyed this story so far. Thanks to my awesome beta, Diva Actress!

* * *

Chapter 18

The doctors had been too pessimistic. Collins lasted for another one and a half weeks. The bohemians took turns sitting by his bed, talking with him during the increasingly brief periods he was awake.

On a chilly day in early November, Mark and Roger were with their friend. Collins was asleep. He looked weak, with lesions all over his face and upper torso. Initially, his sleep had been fitful, but then he had calmed down.

Roger had brought his guitar, but the atmosphere was too depressed for music and so the instrument sat disregarded on the table.

"Are you afraid?" Mark asked suddenly, his voice quiet so as not to wake Collins.

Roger looked up at his best friend. "Of dying?" he asked, and as Mark nodded, he went on, "I don't know. In a way, yeah. It hasn't really registered yet, you know, that I might be next." He gestured weakly to their friend on the bed.

"You won't be," Mark whispered, staring down at his hands. Roger knew what he meant. Mimi. Although she had recovered from her desperate condition last Christmas Eve, her T-cell count was still significantly lower than Roger's and her HIV was only a short way from becoming full-blown AIDS. She would most likely be the next to go.

Mark chuckled, a sound a little like a sob. "I always pick the wrong people to fall in love with, don't I? A straight guy, a lesbian and now, the perfect girl who's gonna die."

Roger wrapped an arm around Mark's shoulders in comfort. "We're all gonna die, Marky."

Mark nodded and put his head on Roger's shoulder. "Do you... never mind, forget it."

The musician pulled back a little. "No, what were you going to say?"

"This isn't the right time, Rog."

"No day but today, Marky!" he reminded him.

The filmmaker sighed. "Fine. D'you think that I... I dunno... tend to fall for women who are somewhat like you?"

Roger didn't know how to answer for a second. Then he shrugged and attempted to play it off. He smiled. "Well, if I'm your type, then that's not surprising, is it?"

Mark grinned weakly. "Yeah, you're right."

_Forget I asked._

Roger sighed, sensing that his answer didn't satisfy his friend in the least.

"Look, Mark..."

He broke off as the constant beep from Collins heart monitor suddenly changed. The beeping slowed down and Collins' breathing lessened.

"Call a doctor," Roger gasped. Mark was almost through the door, in his hurry having forgotten the call button by the bed, when the heartbeats stopped altogether. The green line on the monitor grew flat and the beeping ceased to one single constant sound.

* * *

They buried Thomas Andrew Collins next to Angelo Dumott Schunard. Benny paid for the funeral and in return was invited back to the loft.

Mark had put together a short movie that documented his friendship with Collins from the day they met. Joanne and Maureen sat on the couch, wrapped up in each others' arm and sobbing quietly. Next to them was Roger, with Leni sitting in his lap. His eyes were red and his bottom lip quivered, but he had no tears left. Leni didn't have the strength to look at the movie. She kept her face hidden in Roger's pullover. Mimi sat in between Mark and Benny. The filmmaker held her hand clasped tightly in his.

Collins flickered across the sheet they had used to project the movie on.

Collins smoking and laughing in the loft.

Collins balancing on the curb, a bottle of Stoli in his hand.

Collins with a pensive expression on his face while listening to one of Roger's songs.

Collins making funny faces at the camera.

Collins and Angel, dancing around Tompkins Square Park.

Collins and Angel, kissing, laughing, talking...

Collins and Mimi.

Collins and Leni hugging.

The movie ended with Collins blowing a raspberry at the camera.

Outside, it began to rain. The loft was silent.

"He's with Angel now," Benny said bracingly.

They all turned to look at him and Leni lifted her head from Roger's shoulder.

"Maybe so," Mimi agreed, tears streaming down her cheeks, "but he's no longer with us, and that's what hurts."

"God, I hate the world," Maureen burst out. "Why can't we all be happy for while? Is that to fucking much to ask, God, is it?" She stood up from the couch and climbed out onto the fire escape.

Joanne hesitated for a moment before getting up to join her.

Benny excused himself. Roger walked him to the door and held him back for a moment.

"Hey man, I just wanted to say... thanks." They embraced awkwardly.

Leni was preparing noodles for all of them. Grieving or not, they had to eat something. They hardly tasted anything, however, and soon they were again sitting in a circle on the floor, minus Benny now, and talked about Collins and life and death.

"I can't bear the thought that I won't get to say things I really want to say," Mimi said out of the blue. "You know, when I die, I don't want to have to think that I didn't tell the people I care about that I love them and so on."

Leni nodded. "I know what you mean."

"How about we do that, then?" Maureen suggested. "Tell each other how we feel, I mean. So we all know we said it and that never has to be a problem."

Mark looked unconvinced. "I dunno. You all know already that I care; is it really necessary to say it again?"

Mimi looked pleadingly at him. "Please, Marky." And he relented.

"Ok." He took a deep breath and decided, "But I get to go first."

He looked at his girlfriend. "Mimi, I love you. You know that. Joanne, I like you and I respect that you're able to put up with Mo and hold on to her as long as you have. Maureen, I'll always care about you, although you sometimes annoy the crap out of me. Leni, I don't know you as well as I know the others, but I've come to like you and consider you a friend. Roger," he faltered for a second, "I'll always love you, although I'm happy with Mimi and glad you're happy with Leni."

Stunned silence followed that declaration. Then Joanne cleared her throat.

"Well, I guess I'll go next..."

And so it went on. No further secrets were revealed. Mimi told Roger and Mark that she loved them, Maureen declared her love for her Pookies, both Mark and Joanne and Leni proclaimed herself grateful for friends like them. To Roger, she said, "I love you. You know that, I tell you all the time. I don't know if you're 'the One' for me, but I know I don't even care to find out anymore. You're the first, the last and the only real love in my life, and that's what matters."

Roger looked around at them all. "I honestly don't know what to say," he said, shrugging. "You know how I feel about you all. But for what it's worth," he went on, looking at Leni, "I love you, too. I realized that."

* * *

Leni lay awake for a long time that night. Roger was already sleeping next to her, his breathing was even and he had one arm thrown across her stomach. She wasn't calm enough to sleep. Her mind was still reeling with what had happened that day. It had been one of the saddest and, at the same time, one of the happiest days of her life.

Death seemed to be all around her lately. Her parents and now Collins, all ripped away from this earth too quickly. Their passing was still heavy on her heart, and it kept reminding her of her own mortality. She would die. For a moment, she tried to think these words firmly, as if trying to taste them on her tongue.

_I am going to die. I have HIV. I am dying._

It didn't work. For now, life was too full of wonders to think of death as something immanent. It would always be a companion, surely, but there was something so beautiful on her mind that even the grim reality of recent loss and impending doom could not wipe the slight smile from her lips.

_For what it's worth, I love you, too. _

Yes, for now, despite everything, life was beautiful.

* * *

_**... to be continued**_

_**Review! Five reviews and the epilogue shall be yours! As a parting gift, I give you a Leni action figure. Included in the package are paint, brushes, canvas and lots of love for Roger!**_


	19. Epilogue

A/N: Ok, I wanted to post this too much to wait for five reviews. Reviewers of this chapter, however, will receive a guaranteed review response.

So, this is it. The end. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for reading, thank you for being patient with me and thank you for reviewing!

Thanks to my lovely beta, Diva Actress. And, of course, thank you, Jonathan Larson!

* * *

December 22nd, 2005, 5:30pm EST 

Jessica Hollis-Sanderson is angry, as she stands in the cold air on this evening, snow swirling around her, settling in her hair, on her shoulders and getting stuck in her eyelashes.

Her hair is long now, and she wears it in a ponytail. It's easier around small children to have a hairdo they can't constantly mess up. She is pregnant again, almost two years after her son Jason was born. Her husband Nicolas and she hope that it will be a girl, but of course they would love a boy just as much.

Leni doesn't care about all that. That's why Jessica is angry. She tells her sister, too.

"I still don't believe you could do anything so stupid," she says to her, "not you! You were always preaching to me about being responsible, caring about others, always thinking about the ones close to you… and then you go off and get AIDS from some guy. Ok, so you love Roger, but is that really worth getting a fatal disease over? And _quitting the AZT?_ So you miss him, but there's so much more to live for! Mark doesn't kill himself over losing Mimi, now, does he?"

She sniffs and wipes away some angry tears that have spilled onto her cheeks. She's waiting for her sister to reply, but Leni just remains silent.

"Have you ever thought that I might want my sister to be around? That I might want my children to really get to know their aunt? Jason loves your pictures, you should see him," she says and laughs at the memory.

It is true; her son likes the bright colours of Leni's more cheerful paintings.  
Some of the others, Nicolas and Jessica didn't even put up. They are being kept in a box and now and again, Jess takes them out to look at them, to remember the days in the loft and reacquaint herself with her friends from long ago.

Although, when she thinks about it, it wasn't even that long ago.

Time flies. Time dies.

"The whole family will get together for Christmas," Jess tells her sister, "it will be lovely. Then again, when did you ever really like Christmas? Oh, don't tell me… with Roger."

She sighs. "I hope he knew what he had in you. I suppose he really was the love of your life, huh?"

Sensing that her sister's silence cannot be overcome, she casts a look up into the sky, squinting against the snow. Dark clouds hover overhead and it looks like the weather will grow even worse. It's time to pick up Jason, anyway. Nicolas' mother has been looking after him today.

"I'll be back, sis," she promises, lifts the single white rose to her lips and kisses it. She lays it down gently on Leni's grave and leaves the cemetery, walking past the gravestones of Mimi Marquez and Roger Davis on the way.

But before it is out of sight, she looks one more time at her sister's headstone, almost blurred behind the snow.

Elena Lillian Davis

3/15/1970 - 12/22/2000

R.I.P.

* * *

_**fin**_


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